I have realized more recently that I am energized by being with people. Not everyone is. I do need my time and space alone but less than a lot of people I know. I am thankful that I have a core of friends and will not mention names of women friends for fear I will leave someone out.
There are so many good quotes about friends - able to sift your thoughts...I sent a card not too long ago that said: "The best way to have a friend is to be one." It is hard for all of us to reach out and make new friends. I have started to make a few here, but it takes time, a degree of risk and it isn't always easy.
Some people have their base of friends in their family. Some of my closest friends are my immediate and extended family. You start with a base of familiarity.
A good friend is happy to see you - just for you - and that's what's so great about friendship. Usually you have something in common. For men, it is often sports or activities. For women, someone to talk to:). I also think even in a good marriage, you always need friends of the same sex. I know that there are things no human masculine gendered person can understand:) - and vice versa. Work related, faith related, interest related, personality balanced..just a few of the criterion that work well in relationships.
It's great that we don't have to be alike. I like to write, teach..do as little cleaning and cooking as possible while some of my good friends are better with the recipes, sewing and knitting, athletic ventures, etc..
Friends can't and shouldn't be expected to meet all of our needs. I have watched several friendships disintegrate between people because one was too possessive, demanding and/or exclusive. I often find when I think I absolutely need to talk with a friend right now that I can't reach them. Prayer is often my alternative - maybe should have been my first choice.
The cool thing about friends is that you never have too many of them. Like the old commercial about jello, there is always room for more.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
A Harrowing Experience Years Ago
I can't see how the incidents could have been related except to spread fear through the very core of me.
I had been getting random phone calls at odd times. Most people would call them crank calls. They would come when I was home alone and make comments about knowing what I had been doing. Sometimes the person was right. This was before "Big Brother" video devices (Walmart actually has me on tape from the back as I fell in their parking lot a couple of years ago, when I broke my hip). But these calls didn't make sense. Charlane, my roommate at the time, and I lived on a second floor apartment in a secured building and our shades were usually not open when a call came.
Then, one night, I was coming home around midnight from a Friday night gathering of singles. Many Friday nights we would go ice skating at an indoor rink and go out for pizza afterwards. This time we had gone to a movie at an artsy place in a whole different direction. As I reached an intersection, a car pulled out and started to follow me. Knowing I was already afraid and perhaps a little paranoid with these calls, I made sure the car was following me. I pulled into our apartment complex and went all the way around the building and started to head back out. The car was still behind me. I knew there was a police station nearby (no cell phones 30 some years ago), but I couldn't remember exactly where.
So in panic but with some instinct I guess, I made a Y-turn to get out of the car's way. Another car pulled into the parking lot. I jumped out and asked for help. I know this is going to sound unbelievable, but the man in the front seat was Chinese or Asian and he had his parents in the back seat (and a revolver in the car). He escorted me back to my apartment complex. I went in, being careful to keep the lights out when I got up there. The next day I took my name off the mail box.
I was so scared for awhile after that. I felt someone was going to burst into our apartment. A couple of nights, I slept on my roommate's floor, feeling safer there. And I called out to God, claiming the blood of Christ over my fear. In time, it dissipated.
I had been getting random phone calls at odd times. Most people would call them crank calls. They would come when I was home alone and make comments about knowing what I had been doing. Sometimes the person was right. This was before "Big Brother" video devices (Walmart actually has me on tape from the back as I fell in their parking lot a couple of years ago, when I broke my hip). But these calls didn't make sense. Charlane, my roommate at the time, and I lived on a second floor apartment in a secured building and our shades were usually not open when a call came.
Then, one night, I was coming home around midnight from a Friday night gathering of singles. Many Friday nights we would go ice skating at an indoor rink and go out for pizza afterwards. This time we had gone to a movie at an artsy place in a whole different direction. As I reached an intersection, a car pulled out and started to follow me. Knowing I was already afraid and perhaps a little paranoid with these calls, I made sure the car was following me. I pulled into our apartment complex and went all the way around the building and started to head back out. The car was still behind me. I knew there was a police station nearby (no cell phones 30 some years ago), but I couldn't remember exactly where.
So in panic but with some instinct I guess, I made a Y-turn to get out of the car's way. Another car pulled into the parking lot. I jumped out and asked for help. I know this is going to sound unbelievable, but the man in the front seat was Chinese or Asian and he had his parents in the back seat (and a revolver in the car). He escorted me back to my apartment complex. I went in, being careful to keep the lights out when I got up there. The next day I took my name off the mail box.
I was so scared for awhile after that. I felt someone was going to burst into our apartment. A couple of nights, I slept on my roommate's floor, feeling safer there. And I called out to God, claiming the blood of Christ over my fear. In time, it dissipated.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Some Uplifting Older People
Not all people age gracefully. I want to mention a few that I feel have. Others have been mentioned in other blogs. To be qualified as "older" I am going for 20 years more than me:).
Since we moved here, we have met Mae at one of the churches we have been visiting. She has called us to invite us to a picnic and small group. I have also seen her and her husband Fritz at a food bank I helped at one time so far. She and Fritz are sitting there quietly, available to pray with patrons who desire prayer.
Then there was this cute older gentleman at the Piggly Wiggly, one of my side tracks wandering around La Crosse last week. He insisted on carrying out my one sack of groceries for me. He told me he started working for the chain when he was 60 and welcomed me back. It made me want to come back.
Then there's Leon and Lois Jensen, still doing what they can to help out with kids' groups, prayer times, etc.. They are both in their 80's now. Pastor Leon, retired but active, is feisty. We have always enjoyed teasing each other though we respect each other and I count on Lois, his wife, to try to keep him in line. We call "truce" if one of us is going through physical struggles. When I landed back in Chilton after breaking my leg several years ago, he offered me a screw driver in case I had any "screws loose". I did have a rod and plates but those weren't the ones he was referring to. I returned the screw driver when I had fully recovered mentioning that he might need it.
Then there's the Cowles, still faithfully serving in a church we pastored and Mary Himes, who re-cuts pictures and personalizes cards to the members of the church at Ridgway...and Lester and Ardis Schussman. Ardis cleaned for a lady in her upper 90's when she was in her 80's and offered to come scrub my floor after surgery. Lester showed lambs at fairs for over 60 years..
These are just a few. You know many more. It is cool to see that you really are never too old to bring a smile to another's face or to set an example worth following.
Since we moved here, we have met Mae at one of the churches we have been visiting. She has called us to invite us to a picnic and small group. I have also seen her and her husband Fritz at a food bank I helped at one time so far. She and Fritz are sitting there quietly, available to pray with patrons who desire prayer.
Then there was this cute older gentleman at the Piggly Wiggly, one of my side tracks wandering around La Crosse last week. He insisted on carrying out my one sack of groceries for me. He told me he started working for the chain when he was 60 and welcomed me back. It made me want to come back.
Then there's Leon and Lois Jensen, still doing what they can to help out with kids' groups, prayer times, etc.. They are both in their 80's now. Pastor Leon, retired but active, is feisty. We have always enjoyed teasing each other though we respect each other and I count on Lois, his wife, to try to keep him in line. We call "truce" if one of us is going through physical struggles. When I landed back in Chilton after breaking my leg several years ago, he offered me a screw driver in case I had any "screws loose". I did have a rod and plates but those weren't the ones he was referring to. I returned the screw driver when I had fully recovered mentioning that he might need it.
Then there's the Cowles, still faithfully serving in a church we pastored and Mary Himes, who re-cuts pictures and personalizes cards to the members of the church at Ridgway...and Lester and Ardis Schussman. Ardis cleaned for a lady in her upper 90's when she was in her 80's and offered to come scrub my floor after surgery. Lester showed lambs at fairs for over 60 years..
These are just a few. You know many more. It is cool to see that you really are never too old to bring a smile to another's face or to set an example worth following.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Our Young'uns: Katie and Daniel
We just had a nice lunch with Daniel - met him halfway between here and Minneapolis.
We used to meet Katie halfway when we were in PA. We're thankful that they love and respect us and that they get along well with each other and are doing great in their careers. You will have to excuse me for bragging a bit, but feel free to write back about your kids too.
Katie has been teaching ESL in Baltimore for eight years. She went there after graduating because she felt strongly that was where she was meant to be. She didn't know anyone when she got there so the first few months were hard though she had a nice landlady her age downstairs and started making friends before long. She has taught in the inner city most of the time so has seen firsthand some of the pressing problems there. She has been privileged to teach English to refugees and other students from other countries as well as teachers of ESL this year. She has been chipping away at her Masters along the way and graduated this January with a specialty in reading.
Daniel is an accountant in Minnesota and he too hit a milestone this year. He passed his CPA, which gives him more accreditation and most importantly, an automatic raise. He has a good way with people, showing respect and proving himself as a hard, faithful worker. He worked in Wisconsin for a couple of years and then went up to the Twin Cities, where he has more options for concerts, friends, etc...and where he too attended school. He bought a black suit at Men's Wearhouse to interview for that position and I am still waiting to see him in it:). He has the best sense of humor in the family, and fortunately and unfortunately, he can imitate Tom and I quite precisely:).
Katie and Dan have continued to be very good friends and sometimes can discuss things with each other that they would rather not discuss with us. We are always glad when all four of us can be together as we feel complete and seem to balance each other out.
We are thankful that they continue to love and respect us (and we them) and dialogue with us. From visiting families in homes and other places, we know that that is not always true. They are now 30 and 27 but our young'uns always:).
We used to meet Katie halfway when we were in PA. We're thankful that they love and respect us and that they get along well with each other and are doing great in their careers. You will have to excuse me for bragging a bit, but feel free to write back about your kids too.
Katie has been teaching ESL in Baltimore for eight years. She went there after graduating because she felt strongly that was where she was meant to be. She didn't know anyone when she got there so the first few months were hard though she had a nice landlady her age downstairs and started making friends before long. She has taught in the inner city most of the time so has seen firsthand some of the pressing problems there. She has been privileged to teach English to refugees and other students from other countries as well as teachers of ESL this year. She has been chipping away at her Masters along the way and graduated this January with a specialty in reading.
Daniel is an accountant in Minnesota and he too hit a milestone this year. He passed his CPA, which gives him more accreditation and most importantly, an automatic raise. He has a good way with people, showing respect and proving himself as a hard, faithful worker. He worked in Wisconsin for a couple of years and then went up to the Twin Cities, where he has more options for concerts, friends, etc...and where he too attended school. He bought a black suit at Men's Wearhouse to interview for that position and I am still waiting to see him in it:). He has the best sense of humor in the family, and fortunately and unfortunately, he can imitate Tom and I quite precisely:).
Katie and Dan have continued to be very good friends and sometimes can discuss things with each other that they would rather not discuss with us. We are always glad when all four of us can be together as we feel complete and seem to balance each other out.
We are thankful that they continue to love and respect us (and we them) and dialogue with us. From visiting families in homes and other places, we know that that is not always true. They are now 30 and 27 but our young'uns always:).
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Helping People: Priceless
We were encouraged lately to realize that we had been a help to a couple of people - actually more Tom than me but the principle still holds.
We were with a group of people attending a ceremony for a mutual friend. At lunch afterwards, we were sitting with a couple. I mentioned how I appreciated how supportive this couple - and this man particularly - had been to us. He is a quiet person but at a couple of gatherings for us when we were back in Chilton, he was there in the background, just letting us know he cared. He comes from a tight knit expanded family. They hang out together a lot and are very involved in each other's lives. He responded: "You (Tom and I) are just like family." I got teary eyed with the compliment but it made me realize we had had an impact in his life.
This past Friday we were with a couple who have gone through some big ups and downs. Early in their marriage especially, they had a lot of struggles. One night, the husband had been drinking and said some mean things to his wife. She wanted someone from the church to talk to him about this hurtful situation. Tom was planning to meet with the man the next day, but knowing Tom's low key ways, she didn't really expect him to confront her husband. When Tom met with him, he spoke to him about his need to step up to the plate. The guy was so surprised that Tom spoke to him like that. It stunned him and took him aback. He also took the advice seriously. The couple told us that Tom had been a big part in helping them.
There are times in life when we wonder if we are really affecting people. Those quiet consistent friendships and extensions of kindness do matter - wherever you are and whatever you are doing. These two encounters were priceless - can't buy that encouraging feeling that you have made a difference.
We were with a group of people attending a ceremony for a mutual friend. At lunch afterwards, we were sitting with a couple. I mentioned how I appreciated how supportive this couple - and this man particularly - had been to us. He is a quiet person but at a couple of gatherings for us when we were back in Chilton, he was there in the background, just letting us know he cared. He comes from a tight knit expanded family. They hang out together a lot and are very involved in each other's lives. He responded: "You (Tom and I) are just like family." I got teary eyed with the compliment but it made me realize we had had an impact in his life.
This past Friday we were with a couple who have gone through some big ups and downs. Early in their marriage especially, they had a lot of struggles. One night, the husband had been drinking and said some mean things to his wife. She wanted someone from the church to talk to him about this hurtful situation. Tom was planning to meet with the man the next day, but knowing Tom's low key ways, she didn't really expect him to confront her husband. When Tom met with him, he spoke to him about his need to step up to the plate. The guy was so surprised that Tom spoke to him like that. It stunned him and took him aback. He also took the advice seriously. The couple told us that Tom had been a big part in helping them.
There are times in life when we wonder if we are really affecting people. Those quiet consistent friendships and extensions of kindness do matter - wherever you are and whatever you are doing. These two encounters were priceless - can't buy that encouraging feeling that you have made a difference.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Books: Relaxing Friends
Some of you read a lot more than I do (like Linda Hyer). You are the type who always has another book to move on to when the current one is finished. Others, like my husband, only read articles for information, history, theology.. I like to escape through books and also like books that have believable but fictional characters. Some of my favorite writers are Charles Dickens, Agatha Christie and Jan Karon (the Mitford series). My absolute favorite is of course the inexhaustible Bible. Lately, I have enjoyed the Maisie Dobbs series and recently discovered Debbie Macomber's books, different from my normal tastes.
I like to follow authors or series that I enjoy. As a little girl, I would sit at the top of our steps in a dimly lit hall, my only private space time in a somewhat crowded house, and devour the Nancy Drew books, It seems like in high school and college I read what was required and not much else, but in adult years have enjoyed coming back to these relaxing friends.
When Tom and I were newly married, we chose not to have a television for a couple of years. I read most of Dickens when we lived in Salida. Colorado. One night, as I realized that I couldn't finish David Copperfield, my favorite of his, (about 800 pages), even if I didn't sleep, I was worried; What if Agnes married slimy Uriah Heep to help her father or out of guilt? Tom, probably asleep hours before me as usual, answered half awake something like: "It won't change the ending even if you stay up. It is a story written over a hundred years ago..and it didn't really happen anyway." Oh well. It certainly seemed real to me.!
Yesterday I finished Mary Higgins Clark's latest and I felt that same excitement. How is it going to end? I have enjoyed reading hers and Sue Grafton's mysteries. I like Sue's more for her main character Kinsey, who stays the same age throughout all of her books. John Grisham's have been good too, especially Rainmaker and The Testament,though his recent ones haven't been as enjoyable for me.
I am really not sure why I decided to write this blog. I hope you identify with it in some way, even if our choice of style may be different. I have tried suggestions of other people and am currently reading The Help about some African American maids. I am starting to get into it...
I like to follow authors or series that I enjoy. As a little girl, I would sit at the top of our steps in a dimly lit hall, my only private space time in a somewhat crowded house, and devour the Nancy Drew books, It seems like in high school and college I read what was required and not much else, but in adult years have enjoyed coming back to these relaxing friends.
When Tom and I were newly married, we chose not to have a television for a couple of years. I read most of Dickens when we lived in Salida. Colorado. One night, as I realized that I couldn't finish David Copperfield, my favorite of his, (about 800 pages), even if I didn't sleep, I was worried; What if Agnes married slimy Uriah Heep to help her father or out of guilt? Tom, probably asleep hours before me as usual, answered half awake something like: "It won't change the ending even if you stay up. It is a story written over a hundred years ago..and it didn't really happen anyway." Oh well. It certainly seemed real to me.!
Yesterday I finished Mary Higgins Clark's latest and I felt that same excitement. How is it going to end? I have enjoyed reading hers and Sue Grafton's mysteries. I like Sue's more for her main character Kinsey, who stays the same age throughout all of her books. John Grisham's have been good too, especially Rainmaker and The Testament,though his recent ones haven't been as enjoyable for me.
I am really not sure why I decided to write this blog. I hope you identify with it in some way, even if our choice of style may be different. I have tried suggestions of other people and am currently reading The Help about some African American maids. I am starting to get into it...
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