Tom and I have enjoyed almost 33 years of "wedded bliss' - well not always:), but I thought I'd do a few blogs on couples that have made it longer than we have.
Kenny and Ruth have been married over 40 years. They live in Chilton and are parents of two and grandparents of four. We met them at our church and enjoyed having them in a couples' group we were in. We found out in that group that we all still have things from childhood that bother us. We drew close to one another. Ken was trying to find a way to come along "in our suitcase" when we left Chilton. They visited us here and in Michigan and already have reservations in La Crosse.
Even though Ruth has MS and they have had a variety of family problems that have been overwhelming at times, they pick each other up and keep each other going. Ruth is a very giving person and it is hard for her to say no. Once in awhile, Ken is able to help her to actually do that.
When we were in Bible study together, we had to call "rabbit trails" on Kenny. He is a great storyteller and would often help us get off the subject (usually with laughter:). Ruth will often act amazed about something Kenny is saying, exclaiming: "I never knew that about you!".
One night during our group, Ruth was commenting on the need to get their lawn mowed. She pointed to the person next to her but wasn't paying attention. Finally I asked, "Ruth, why are you saying that Carlos needs to do that?". She replied with astonishment: "Oh no! I thought you were Kenny! I almost put my hands all over you". I laughed until I cried.
When they came to visit us here, it was a more somber time. Ruth's Mother (and my Dad as it turned out) were near death. But when they visited us in Michigan, they kept us hopping with their combined sense of humor for most of the time.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Donna: My Infusion Nurse Friend
When I went for my infusion treatment the other day, I told Donna I might blog about her. She said I could write anything I wished about her.
When I met Donna about 18 months ago, she looked like she had everything together. She dresses and acts professionally and graciously. She loves her patients and her job and it shows. I am sure she treats people with varying degrees of serious health concerns but she keeps a very upbeat attitude. Her husband is a college professor. They have worked hard to attain their goals, needing to be very frugal when they were first married but seem to be at a level of financial freedom now.
As I come in every four weeks, we have developed a friendship. I have told her some of my struggles and joys and she has told me some of hers. We of course are in one of my most hated words, "transition" (again:), and we have talked together through some of that. She has shared some estrangement between family members, which breaks her heart at times. We both shared some upbeat news about our daughters this week - hers going to a prom in a very specially picked and priced gown and mine in a dating relationship which looks promising.
Last month, she was not there. I have been a sub often so I tried not to make her replacement feel bad. I assumed that Donna took a few days off for a little vacation. When I asked her on Tuesday where she had been, she told me of some major upheaval in her family's lives. Her husband has been diagnosed with thyroid cancer, not the worst kind but not the first two types, which can be treated easily. He most likely starts chemo/radiation? next week. Please keep "Terr", her husband in your prayers. As usual, Donna is keeping a hopeful and encouraging attitude for the most part. He is understandably down.
You never know when you meet someone what is really behind the "door" in his or her life... It is easy to assume so much until we really get to know people. We plan to stay in touch when I leave. Maybe she and her husband will be able to visit us sometime.
When I met Donna about 18 months ago, she looked like she had everything together. She dresses and acts professionally and graciously. She loves her patients and her job and it shows. I am sure she treats people with varying degrees of serious health concerns but she keeps a very upbeat attitude. Her husband is a college professor. They have worked hard to attain their goals, needing to be very frugal when they were first married but seem to be at a level of financial freedom now.
As I come in every four weeks, we have developed a friendship. I have told her some of my struggles and joys and she has told me some of hers. We of course are in one of my most hated words, "transition" (again:), and we have talked together through some of that. She has shared some estrangement between family members, which breaks her heart at times. We both shared some upbeat news about our daughters this week - hers going to a prom in a very specially picked and priced gown and mine in a dating relationship which looks promising.
Last month, she was not there. I have been a sub often so I tried not to make her replacement feel bad. I assumed that Donna took a few days off for a little vacation. When I asked her on Tuesday where she had been, she told me of some major upheaval in her family's lives. Her husband has been diagnosed with thyroid cancer, not the worst kind but not the first two types, which can be treated easily. He most likely starts chemo/radiation? next week. Please keep "Terr", her husband in your prayers. As usual, Donna is keeping a hopeful and encouraging attitude for the most part. He is understandably down.
You never know when you meet someone what is really behind the "door" in his or her life... It is easy to assume so much until we really get to know people. We plan to stay in touch when I leave. Maybe she and her husband will be able to visit us sometime.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Kay Dickey: My Pennsylvania Mentor
Just about everywhere I have lived, I have looked up to and tried to emulate in some way, special, more mature women than me. In California, there was Sonny Randolph, an older widow. Tom and I were helping with the senior citizens' group, (who gave us a great baby shower for Daniel), and Sonny was the Sunday school teacher. She knew the Bible and Greek better than most seminary students. In Kansas, Betty Syrell, whose first husband was a pastor, was someone I looked up to. She had worked for GM for 27 years and was remarried to a Native American veteran after her first husband died. They helped us as though we were their children (even though she had seven of her own) and our children as grandchildren. She encouraged me as a teacher and crocheted quilts for all four of us. Once, they insisted on lending us their extra car after we had had a series of mechanical problems with ours and a friend's. We have a cross stitched plaque from them which says something like "In heaven there are many mansions. We hope ours are near yours". We hope so too. Then there is Martha Boese from Saginaw, Michigan. In her 80's, she is still volunteering at the gift shop at the Rescue Mission and available to help many others, including her husband, who is now in a nursing home. We had fun going to a Nancy Drew movie together before we left there.
By the way, at lest one person looks up to me: Kris boll from Chilton, Wisconsin. She says I am the only one who understands her jokes:).
Now to my dear friend Kay who I will sorely miss. I am trying to appreciate this remaining time with her.Even though she has five of her own kids, and two of her grandchildren stay with her and Gerry and their son half of each week, she has made room in her heart and in her time commitments for me.
We talk on the phone mainly, because her husband Gerry has had a debilitating stroke and she can't leave him for more than a few hours at a time. I have heard that she was a very good Sunday school teacher, and was active in other aspects of the church, but for this season of her life, she is by her husband's side. She carries on the main chores of the house inside and out, as well as helping him with his special needs. He often has her trying to do mechanical jobs and other things while her supervises, not her main strength, but she tries. He was able to work hard and do these things faithfully for many years, but now he can't. He maintains a positive attitude and is an encouragement to all of us at our little church.
They have had us over to eat quite a few times and she usually makes her unique onion pie, because she knows I love it. She usually sends an extra for us to eat at home.
Mainly she listens to me. She has guided me to some very helpful books, especially the 10 Red Sea Rules, how God makes a way when it is difficult to understand what is happening. She also gave us a great book for Christmas, which helped Tom understand how his DNA is especially fitted to be a hospital chaplain. Sometimes, she has helped me to settle down when I have been riled up about something. I know she doesn't always agree with every choice I make, but she does not seem judgmental or controlling (something I still need to work on).
I consider a very strong woman and friend. She has also made up for something of a Mother gap (no mothers are perfect as we all know) for me, even though she is not old enough to be my Mother. I am thankful that she will only be a phone call away when we move, but I know it won't be quite the same.
By the way, at lest one person looks up to me: Kris boll from Chilton, Wisconsin. She says I am the only one who understands her jokes:).
Now to my dear friend Kay who I will sorely miss. I am trying to appreciate this remaining time with her.Even though she has five of her own kids, and two of her grandchildren stay with her and Gerry and their son half of each week, she has made room in her heart and in her time commitments for me.
We talk on the phone mainly, because her husband Gerry has had a debilitating stroke and she can't leave him for more than a few hours at a time. I have heard that she was a very good Sunday school teacher, and was active in other aspects of the church, but for this season of her life, she is by her husband's side. She carries on the main chores of the house inside and out, as well as helping him with his special needs. He often has her trying to do mechanical jobs and other things while her supervises, not her main strength, but she tries. He was able to work hard and do these things faithfully for many years, but now he can't. He maintains a positive attitude and is an encouragement to all of us at our little church.
They have had us over to eat quite a few times and she usually makes her unique onion pie, because she knows I love it. She usually sends an extra for us to eat at home.
Mainly she listens to me. She has guided me to some very helpful books, especially the 10 Red Sea Rules, how God makes a way when it is difficult to understand what is happening. She also gave us a great book for Christmas, which helped Tom understand how his DNA is especially fitted to be a hospital chaplain. Sometimes, she has helped me to settle down when I have been riled up about something. I know she doesn't always agree with every choice I make, but she does not seem judgmental or controlling (something I still need to work on).
I consider a very strong woman and friend. She has also made up for something of a Mother gap (no mothers are perfect as we all know) for me, even though she is not old enough to be my Mother. I am thankful that she will only be a phone call away when we move, but I know it won't be quite the same.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Belle Gill : A Godly Legacy
Grandma Gill was a sweet Christian lady. I set a goal to be more like her when I was in my early 30's or so and one of my best compliments was from my sister Jean. At my Mother's graveside service, she said "You are becoming more like Grandma."
She loved God and had a stack with a Bible, devotionals, etc... next to her sitting chair.She did some of the usual things - taught Sunday School, led some devotionals..attended the Merry Hearts Club at church.
One of the special things she did was to visit and to help the migrant workers. Migrant workers would come up for the season to pick crops. Grandma would collect clean used clothes for them and give them to them saying "God loves you". I went with her once or twice. These people lived in metal shacks and were so thankful for the help. Grandpa Gill, the joker of the two, used to say that everyone thought Grandma was so good, but he said he had to do the heavy hauling, carrying the boxes from the basement. She also stepped out and helped at least one of these men to be treated fairly legally and they corresponded with him for some time.
She loved her only son, George, my Dad. I think she wrote to him every day while he was in the service. She loved us grandchildren too, though we sometimes had to sneak over because there was a rift between her and our Mom. I would ride my bike to the south side of Sheboygan, assured that Grandma would put out a spread for me and that Grandpa would go to buy me some soda (and then tease me about how much ice he could cram into a cup to chill it:)). I would usually leave with a kiss and a dime.
I brought my boyfriends over to meet them. After she met Tom, she said that she thought I would say "yes" to this one. He hadn't asked yet.
Most of all, she always spoke of "trusting God" - how that's what sustained her. We were not of the same denomination and she didn't emphasize that. She was not one who could verbalize the gospel message, but when I became a Christian I knew who was a true one.
She loved God and had a stack with a Bible, devotionals, etc... next to her sitting chair.She did some of the usual things - taught Sunday School, led some devotionals..attended the Merry Hearts Club at church.
One of the special things she did was to visit and to help the migrant workers. Migrant workers would come up for the season to pick crops. Grandma would collect clean used clothes for them and give them to them saying "God loves you". I went with her once or twice. These people lived in metal shacks and were so thankful for the help. Grandpa Gill, the joker of the two, used to say that everyone thought Grandma was so good, but he said he had to do the heavy hauling, carrying the boxes from the basement. She also stepped out and helped at least one of these men to be treated fairly legally and they corresponded with him for some time.
She loved her only son, George, my Dad. I think she wrote to him every day while he was in the service. She loved us grandchildren too, though we sometimes had to sneak over because there was a rift between her and our Mom. I would ride my bike to the south side of Sheboygan, assured that Grandma would put out a spread for me and that Grandpa would go to buy me some soda (and then tease me about how much ice he could cram into a cup to chill it:)). I would usually leave with a kiss and a dime.
I brought my boyfriends over to meet them. After she met Tom, she said that she thought I would say "yes" to this one. He hadn't asked yet.
Most of all, she always spoke of "trusting God" - how that's what sustained her. We were not of the same denomination and she didn't emphasize that. She was not one who could verbalize the gospel message, but when I became a Christian I knew who was a true one.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Judge Judy: No Partiality
I want to write about the legacy of my godly
Grandmother but thought I would lighten it up first.
Yes, I do consider Judge Judy one of my mentors. Tom doesn't particularly care for her yelling, but I see past that and agree with her that she is a "truth machine". Very seldom do I disagree with her decisions and neither do her litigants.
I turn my phone off most days during her first half hour because I hate to be interrupted by anything. Tom knows not to talk to me during it - oops. When I was in the nursing home recovering from an infection, my younger sister Linda knew I was "still alive and kicking" because I asked her to call back after it was over.
First of all, I like that she seems to have no partiality. Even though she is a short 5"2", she can stare down any person in a three piece suit or drug seller off the streets. Tom used to think she favored women, but she will call anyone an "idiot"..who is not paying child support or lying to her face.
She loves children and often encourages people to give them "the widest sphere of love" possible,and even extends that to deadbeat Moms and Dads (as long as it is a safe environment). She does however encourage parents not to make excuses for their children's malicious or wrong behavior.
She does have the only "attitude" allowed in the court and is very funny.
Not many people get past her.
I would not bring a case before her unless I was 150% sure of winning. And I know she wouldn't care if I was and am one of her biggest fans or not:).
Grandmother but thought I would lighten it up first.
Yes, I do consider Judge Judy one of my mentors. Tom doesn't particularly care for her yelling, but I see past that and agree with her that she is a "truth machine". Very seldom do I disagree with her decisions and neither do her litigants.
I turn my phone off most days during her first half hour because I hate to be interrupted by anything. Tom knows not to talk to me during it - oops. When I was in the nursing home recovering from an infection, my younger sister Linda knew I was "still alive and kicking" because I asked her to call back after it was over.
First of all, I like that she seems to have no partiality. Even though she is a short 5"2", she can stare down any person in a three piece suit or drug seller off the streets. Tom used to think she favored women, but she will call anyone an "idiot"..who is not paying child support or lying to her face.
She loves children and often encourages people to give them "the widest sphere of love" possible,and even extends that to deadbeat Moms and Dads (as long as it is a safe environment). She does however encourage parents not to make excuses for their children's malicious or wrong behavior.
She does have the only "attitude" allowed in the court and is very funny.
Not many people get past her.
I would not bring a case before her unless I was 150% sure of winning. And I know she wouldn't care if I was and am one of her biggest fans or not:).
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Mom: Always There
When my Mom passed away in September of 2007, each of her kids wrote one comment about her, which I was privileged to read at her funeral. The recurring theme was that she was "always there" for her children and grandchildren and great grandchildren.
Growing up, I didn't always accept her. There was a lot of tension in our house and I sided with my Dad because I didn't understand her and some of her limitations. He later regretted the things he had said to her and I conveyed his sorrow to her the last night of her life, though I don't think she was coherent enough to understand.
I want to speak about her strengths in honor of her near Mother's Day.
We always knew we could come home. I sometimes pictured us down on our luck, with just enough to rent a UHaul and to arrive at her doorstep. We never needed to do that, but other family members did from time to time. If she had $2 left, she would have said "pick up hamburgers or pieces of bakery for yourself and me" and we'd figure out what to do the next day. My parents divorced and I think it surprised all of us how she managed to budget quite well, with some inheritance windfalls here and there, on a very limited income. The kids pitched in to help both our parents in later years, but she managed what she had and shared what she could. She loved seeing her kids and talking to us often.
She showed up for all of our events if possible - every graduation, basketball game, play.. She would save her money for a trip - or would get it for a birthday or Christmas gift - and offer to help with groceries and expenses when she got there if she needed to travel.
She loved to give and receive gifts. She would ask you a month or two ahead of your birthday or Christmas what you wanted. Towards the end, she couldn't afford much, but our Anchor Hocking 13 X 9 glass dish with carrying case (because we go to a lot of potlucks for church) is a nice reminder of her. She appreciated every gift she was given no matter how small or how large. You could not give her a gift early. She would open it right away.
I think I got my comfortableness in talking with people from her. She would converse with people at the bus stop. She was loved by my brothers' friends for her welcoming spirit. She figured anyone she asked for help at the store would be happy to help her.
Sometimes, she could be very funny. Out of the blue, she would make a very unusual but funny comment. She had kind of a whimsical smile, not quite a Mona Lisa, but difficult to understand - like she was thinking about something humorous.
That's a little snapshot of her.
Growing up, I didn't always accept her. There was a lot of tension in our house and I sided with my Dad because I didn't understand her and some of her limitations. He later regretted the things he had said to her and I conveyed his sorrow to her the last night of her life, though I don't think she was coherent enough to understand.
I want to speak about her strengths in honor of her near Mother's Day.
We always knew we could come home. I sometimes pictured us down on our luck, with just enough to rent a UHaul and to arrive at her doorstep. We never needed to do that, but other family members did from time to time. If she had $2 left, she would have said "pick up hamburgers or pieces of bakery for yourself and me" and we'd figure out what to do the next day. My parents divorced and I think it surprised all of us how she managed to budget quite well, with some inheritance windfalls here and there, on a very limited income. The kids pitched in to help both our parents in later years, but she managed what she had and shared what she could. She loved seeing her kids and talking to us often.
She showed up for all of our events if possible - every graduation, basketball game, play.. She would save her money for a trip - or would get it for a birthday or Christmas gift - and offer to help with groceries and expenses when she got there if she needed to travel.
She loved to give and receive gifts. She would ask you a month or two ahead of your birthday or Christmas what you wanted. Towards the end, she couldn't afford much, but our Anchor Hocking 13 X 9 glass dish with carrying case (because we go to a lot of potlucks for church) is a nice reminder of her. She appreciated every gift she was given no matter how small or how large. You could not give her a gift early. She would open it right away.
I think I got my comfortableness in talking with people from her. She would converse with people at the bus stop. She was loved by my brothers' friends for her welcoming spirit. She figured anyone she asked for help at the store would be happy to help her.
Sometimes, she could be very funny. Out of the blue, she would make a very unusual but funny comment. She had kind of a whimsical smile, not quite a Mona Lisa, but difficult to understand - like she was thinking about something humorous.
That's a little snapshot of her.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Rosa: One of My Regrets
I want to do at least one more person from our prison ministry. The rest of the week I plan to write about my Mother, Grandmother.. and others who have mentored me in honor of Mother's Day.
I enjoyed the women I met in the prison. They knew they had made mistakes, sometimes the worst being to follow marginal men. They were more willing to talk openly about their lives than the general population of women. Some people might have thought I was foolish when I took recently born Katie (born 30 years ago today:))for some of them to see, but I was not afraid at all.
We were going to visit inmates at the California Correctional Facilities in southern California. At the time, our ministry director and his wife were followers of a Biblical counseling philosophy, which encouraged us to find the sin problem and address it with Scripture. Like teaching philosophies that come and go, it was not all-inclusive and to be fair, their point of view shifted drastically and much more graciously not long after the visit I will refer to. Also, the director's wife, now a widow in her 80's, still corresponds and helps inmates in their faith from her home - a ministry of love.
Anyway, I met with Rosa (I don't remember her real name), a young Hispanic woman, whom I happened to know was very bitter and an admitted homosexual. She told me about her life - how she had to crawl to her Father for a plate of beans, how she had come here to the United States with her "wetback" (her words I think) boyfriend/ husband, how he had been found out and sent back to Mexico while she was with child, and how she had been raped by the desk clerk at the hotel where she was staying. I probably answered her with a Scripture and a prayer.
When I got home, I felt very sad for her and could understand why she would have such a hard time believing in a loving, good, male-imaged God. I certainly would have found that difficult or impossible if I were in her same position.
I wish I had shown her more compassion and love and understanding. I have learned a lot since then. A quick answer doesn't solve almost anything. God's love has been my mainstay. I wish I had shown her more of it.
I enjoyed the women I met in the prison. They knew they had made mistakes, sometimes the worst being to follow marginal men. They were more willing to talk openly about their lives than the general population of women. Some people might have thought I was foolish when I took recently born Katie (born 30 years ago today:))for some of them to see, but I was not afraid at all.
We were going to visit inmates at the California Correctional Facilities in southern California. At the time, our ministry director and his wife were followers of a Biblical counseling philosophy, which encouraged us to find the sin problem and address it with Scripture. Like teaching philosophies that come and go, it was not all-inclusive and to be fair, their point of view shifted drastically and much more graciously not long after the visit I will refer to. Also, the director's wife, now a widow in her 80's, still corresponds and helps inmates in their faith from her home - a ministry of love.
Anyway, I met with Rosa (I don't remember her real name), a young Hispanic woman, whom I happened to know was very bitter and an admitted homosexual. She told me about her life - how she had to crawl to her Father for a plate of beans, how she had come here to the United States with her "wetback" (her words I think) boyfriend/ husband, how he had been found out and sent back to Mexico while she was with child, and how she had been raped by the desk clerk at the hotel where she was staying. I probably answered her with a Scripture and a prayer.
When I got home, I felt very sad for her and could understand why she would have such a hard time believing in a loving, good, male-imaged God. I certainly would have found that difficult or impossible if I were in her same position.
I wish I had shown her more compassion and love and understanding. I have learned a lot since then. A quick answer doesn't solve almost anything. God's love has been my mainstay. I wish I had shown her more of it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)