2010: Finishing 'er Up

So many changes in our lives this last year and we are about to enter another year with some uncertainties as is common to all of us. We have had job changes, a location change, and friendship adjustments and additions.
As most of you know, we left St.Marys, PA around mid year. Tom was a census crew leader after finishing up at with his pastoral position there. We had a few months before he started his chaplaincy residency position here. It was a rough move for me, even though I looked forward to being nearer to our son and family and friends.
I knew I would need to make new friends, and thankfully, as this year comes to a close, I know I have made several.
It's nice to be back in Wisconsin and we had a better than average summer and fall, butwith winter upon us again, we are sorely tempted to move south and west when Tom completes his residency. But I cannot bear to think of starting afresh again, so I will table that thought for now.
After some time, we have found a couple of small groups to be in, some volunteer opportunities and of course, I have found a part time job with Weight Watchers, and am beginning to develop some fun friendships there. Tom has been enjoying his work as a chaplain and there seems to be a good spirit among his team. We also had some outgoing next door neighbors, who welcomed us enthusiastically. They have bought a home not far from here but we miss seeing them regularly. And then there's our sometimes calm/sometimes feisty Shih-tzu Sasha, who I teasingly say was my only friend besides Tom in the immediate area when we moved here. We have also been able to stay in touch with friends throughout Wisconsin, family not too far away, and keep communication going through facebook and some phone calls to and from PA.
So we have just about made it through another year. I have said before that even though we have made a number of moves and we don't understand the how's and why's of some of them, I have always sensed that we have been and are where we are supposed to be - and I am thankful for the friends whe have made at each place we have lived. Now, as the year 2010 ends, I can truthfully say that is true for us here in the La Crosse area too.

Flipping Over: Black Ice

As I skid to a stop or around the corner because of our recent snowstorm, I am reminded of what started out as a peaceful ride to work several years ago.
I was commuting from Chilton to Plymouth, Wisconsin to teach at St. John's Lutheran School there. We had a staff meeting that day so I was headed in a little earlier than usual. When I came to the stop in Kiel, about half way, in my "93 blue gray Taurus, I remember being thankful that it had been a fairly calm winter. Little did I know...
Ten or fifteen minutes later, I was turning the last little curve on my way to school. A car or two passed facing me. Within a few seconds, my car slipped over the yellow line. As I did what I could to maneuver it back to my side of the road, I saw a post and hoped I wouldn't hit it.
The next thing I knew I was upside down in my car off the road to the side. I later found out that I hit that pole but it wasn't a very sturdy one. Cell phones were more scarce then but I had one because of this very thing. However, our daughter Katie was home from college and I had left it with her that day. (I know. It figures:). I realized the radio was still on so I quickly thought that the horn must work too so I pressed it.
A very nice lady, also a teacher at a nearby public school, came to my aid. She called my school to tell them what happened and the ambulance/police.
The seat belt felt tight on my stomach so I asked if I should release it. Definitely not!
Help came before long. I was able to push back my seat, release my belt and crawl out somehow. The passenger side of the car was caved in and the Taurus was totalled.
Guess what I thought of? Where were those loose dollars that had been on the top of my purse? Where was my other mitten?
The paramedics took my vitals - my blood pressure was high - and asked me where I wanted to be taken. Since I was just a couple of blocks from school, I suggested going there. I calmly called my husband who didn't think it was exactly a calm situation
My principal was a character - great sense of humor. When he saw me walk by with my book bag, now filled with a few remnants of glass from my windshield, he said he thought he was seeing an angel.
I taught that day. I teased my principal, saying he walked by once in awhile just to see if I was still standing. I mainly worked mornings so it wasn't a long day.
Tom picked me up later and we went to the junk yard to clear out my things - and to take a picture of me in front of the car. I doubt anyone would have survived in the passenger seat.
Since that time, I have been driving my '99 tan Escort which I hope to trade in for a blue gray Focus - probably when it dies.

Christmas: WHY?!!!

A friend (thanks Ruth) gave me a nudge last night to blog again. I have been busy, which is good and healthy for me, but have not had time or inspiration to blog. Here goes:
Why would Jesus come down to earth as a baby? I heard the illustration again recently of a boy who would have to be an ant to understand his beloved ant colony. Small in comparison but a thought. Why would he choose a humble birth - a homeless kind of setting? Why be born of a virgin and cause embarrassment to her betrothed?
Why grow up like us with temptations, human obstacles, betrayal, rejection and loneliness?
There were some good things about being here. He had some not so always faithful fishermen friends and a following of caring women who believed He was extraordinary.
He did some awesome miracles. By the way I like to reserve the word AWESOME for Him alone.) Why be so misunderstood to the point of death and crucifixion?
BECAUSE HE VALUED US!! He was willing and eager to do this all because a perfect sacrifice had to be given to satisfy His innate Holiness. No other animal or human could qualify. Only His blood sacrifice could pay for my sins and yours. Only His unconditional love could give us a glimpse of how much He cared! Mysterious (way beyond figuring out)! Incomprehensible! Somewhat Unbelievable (yet He allows us to choose to believe it and begin an intimate relationship with Him)!
The ultimate Creative act, but isn't that what we can and should expect from our awesome Creator!
Am I a spiritual giant who has figured this all out or who lives in the victory everyday as I realize the ramifications of this great love and this defining Life in history? Certainly not.
But I praise and glorify Him for doing it in spite of my normal human frailty. After all, He really does understand what it is like to be one of us.

Not in Control: Never Really Was

This sounds like something Dr. Phil might say. I don't watch him very often, but of course he says: "How is that working for you?"
I have spent a great deal of time in my life frustrated with the "realization" (in my mind) that I could do a lot better job than others do at controlling their lives. Sometimes it is real obvious destructive behavior or something very blatantly not good for them. I have found that even in these more extreme cases, my strong judgments, opinions or advice have been of very little help in resolving the problem.
Now, I am not against parents "owning their children's very breath until they are 18" or so, as Judge Judy says. We have a strong responsibility as parents to do our level best to first of all model and then train our children in the things we really believe are in their best interests.
But I am learning the value of "shutting up" with people, praying for wisdom for them and for myself, and leaving them to their thought out choices. I still fret, vent and blow it at times, but I do find that overall, it works pretty well for me and for them. The people who have helped me most have listened, loved me and mainly supported me. With their backing, I eventually wrestle through to wanting to do my best to do the right thing. It sounds simple and uncomplicated, but of course, it is not.
"Love wins", as a new friend said to me recently. I am not perfect so I am sure it will help me if they will hopefully give me the same grace, love and space in return.
In the meantime, I found a great verse the other day: "Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16). At least one Friend promises to give me that if I turn to Him.

Peace: Precious But Fleeting

It is so hard to feel at peace sometimes. We strive for it and it feels illusive.
One area of our lives seems okay and then another one is "sticking out" and making it hard to attain and retain the peace we desire.
I think I am finally at peace about our move. I went through some depression this time with another transition in our lives, even though I am thankful Tom has a job and is working in an area well suited to him. We are closer to our son Daniel and other family and friends.
It took us awhile to find a church but we have finally settled on one. We are starting to feel that some acquaintances are becoming friends. Tom is adjusting somewhat to the four or five overnights a month though part of that will be watching his schedule and not doing as many extra things as he would like.
I of course have been going through another challenge as well. Even though I worked for Weight Watchers three years ago, some aspects of the training and emphases have changed. I am still pulling things together as they train and retrain me. I have met some nice and helpful people through that as well.
Today, I am at peace about our move. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?:). I guess it is good to appreciate it while I have it.

Learning About Ourselves: A Life Long Process

I learned something about myself recently. It really isn't new. It's something I have done repeatedly in my life. Maybe you will be able to identify different areas in your lives that have repeating similarities.
What I found out is that I am not good at dress rehearsals but can usually pull it off at the end. When I was in little plays with our Catholic Youth Organization, the same thing happened. My director wrote me an encouraging note after a performance saying what a very good job I had done. He admitted that it didn't look likely that I could pull it off based on the rehearsals.
As many of you know, I just completed training as a receptionist and leader for Weight Watchers. In both cases, I "clutched" during the pre-evaluation, giving reason for my evaluators to wonder about me. At least I think they were concerned (pretty sure:)). I did not say that I panicked to get attention. I really did!
In both cases, I reviewed everything I had been taught, prayed (and asked several people to join me), did all I could to prepare, and then took a deep breath and did my best. I do know that one of my strong points is to persevere. I don't really consider giving up once I have fully committed. In both cases, I did better than I expected to in the performance time that counted.
It helps us to understand ourselves. Even though I have been through things like this numerous times, I still seem to get "stuck" once in awhile. It is easy to say afterwards that I was too hard on myself..In the middle of it, others who know me are sure I can do it (especially the leading with my gift for gab), but I really don't believe it. I give others similar advice when they are striving for a significant threshold to overcome, but somehow it has to come from the inside. I guess that's what makes us human.
Hope this helps someone understand his or her self today..We're all on this path of self discovery together.

Friends: Irreplaceable

I have realized more recently that I am energized by being with people. Not everyone is. I do need my time and space alone but less than a lot of people I know. I am thankful that I have a core of friends and will not mention names of women friends for fear I will leave someone out.
There are so many good quotes about friends - able to sift your thoughts...I sent a card not too long ago that said: "The best way to have a friend is to be one." It is hard for all of us to reach out and make new friends. I have started to make a few here, but it takes time, a degree of risk and it isn't always easy.
Some people have their base of friends in their family. Some of my closest friends are my immediate and extended family. You start with a base of familiarity.
A good friend is happy to see you - just for you - and that's what's so great about friendship. Usually you have something in common. For men, it is often sports or activities. For women, someone to talk to:). I also think even in a good marriage, you always need friends of the same sex. I know that there are things no human masculine gendered person can understand:) - and vice versa. Work related, faith related, interest related, personality balanced..just a few of the criterion that work well in relationships.
It's great that we don't have to be alike. I like to write, teach..do as little cleaning and cooking as possible while some of my good friends are better with the recipes, sewing and knitting, athletic ventures, etc..
Friends can't and shouldn't be expected to meet all of our needs. I have watched several friendships disintegrate between people because one was too possessive, demanding and/or exclusive. I often find when I think I absolutely need to talk with a friend right now that I can't reach them. Prayer is often my alternative - maybe should have been my first choice.
The cool thing about friends is that you never have too many of them. Like the old commercial about jello, there is always room for more.

A Harrowing Experience Years Ago

I can't see how the incidents could have been related except to spread fear through the very core of me.
I had been getting random phone calls at odd times. Most people would call them crank calls. They would come when I was home alone and make comments about knowing what I had been doing. Sometimes the person was right. This was before "Big Brother" video devices (Walmart actually has me on tape from the back as I fell in their parking lot a couple of years ago, when I broke my hip). But these calls didn't make sense. Charlane, my roommate at the time, and I lived on a second floor apartment in a secured building and our shades were usually not open when a call came.
Then, one night, I was coming home around midnight from a Friday night gathering of singles. Many Friday nights we would go ice skating at an indoor rink and go out for pizza afterwards. This time we had gone to a movie at an artsy place in a whole different direction. As I reached an intersection, a car pulled out and started to follow me. Knowing I was already afraid and perhaps a little paranoid with these calls, I made sure the car was following me. I pulled into our apartment complex and went all the way around the building and started to head back out. The car was still behind me. I knew there was a police station nearby (no cell phones 30 some years ago), but I couldn't remember exactly where.
So in panic but with some instinct I guess, I made a Y-turn to get out of the car's way. Another car pulled into the parking lot. I jumped out and asked for help. I know this is going to sound unbelievable, but the man in the front seat was Chinese or Asian and he had his parents in the back seat (and a revolver in the car). He escorted me back to my apartment complex. I went in, being careful to keep the lights out when I got up there. The next day I took my name off the mail box.
I was so scared for awhile after that. I felt someone was going to burst into our apartment. A couple of nights, I slept on my roommate's floor, feeling safer there. And I called out to God, claiming the blood of Christ over my fear. In time, it dissipated.

Some Uplifting Older People

Not all people age gracefully. I want to mention a few that I feel have. Others have been mentioned in other blogs. To be qualified as "older" I am going for 20 years more than me:).
Since we moved here, we have met Mae at one of the churches we have been visiting. She has called us to invite us to a picnic and small group. I have also seen her and her husband Fritz at a food bank I helped at one time so far. She and Fritz are sitting there quietly, available to pray with patrons who desire prayer.
Then there was this cute older gentleman at the Piggly Wiggly, one of my side tracks wandering around La Crosse last week. He insisted on carrying out my one sack of groceries for me. He told me he started working for the chain when he was 60 and welcomed me back. It made me want to come back.
Then there's Leon and Lois Jensen, still doing what they can to help out with kids' groups, prayer times, etc.. They are both in their 80's now. Pastor Leon, retired but active, is feisty. We have always enjoyed teasing each other though we respect each other and I count on Lois, his wife, to try to keep him in line. We call "truce" if one of us is going through physical struggles. When I landed back in Chilton after breaking my leg several years ago, he offered me a screw driver in case I had any "screws loose". I did have a rod and plates but those weren't the ones he was referring to. I returned the screw driver when I had fully recovered mentioning that he might need it.
Then there's the Cowles, still faithfully serving in a church we pastored and Mary Himes, who re-cuts pictures and personalizes cards to the members of the church at Ridgway...and Lester and Ardis Schussman. Ardis cleaned for a lady in her upper 90's when she was in her 80's and offered to come scrub my floor after surgery. Lester showed lambs at fairs for over 60 years..
These are just a few. You know many more. It is cool to see that you really are never too old to bring a smile to another's face or to set an example worth following.

Our Young'uns: Katie and Daniel

We just had a nice lunch with Daniel - met him halfway between here and Minneapolis.
We used to meet Katie halfway when we were in PA. We're thankful that they love and respect us and that they get along well with each other and are doing great in their careers. You will have to excuse me for bragging a bit, but feel free to write back about your kids too.
Katie has been teaching ESL in Baltimore for eight years. She went there after graduating because she felt strongly that was where she was meant to be. She didn't know anyone when she got there so the first few months were hard though she had a nice landlady her age downstairs and started making friends before long. She has taught in the inner city most of the time so has seen firsthand some of the pressing problems there. She has been privileged to teach English to refugees and other students from other countries as well as teachers of ESL this year. She has been chipping away at her Masters along the way and graduated this January with a specialty in reading.
Daniel is an accountant in Minnesota and he too hit a milestone this year. He passed his CPA, which gives him more accreditation and most importantly, an automatic raise. He has a good way with people, showing respect and proving himself as a hard, faithful worker. He worked in Wisconsin for a couple of years and then went up to the Twin Cities, where he has more options for concerts, friends, etc...and where he too attended school. He bought a black suit at Men's Wearhouse to interview for that position and I am still waiting to see him in it:). He has the best sense of humor in the family, and fortunately and unfortunately, he can imitate Tom and I quite precisely:).
Katie and Dan have continued to be very good friends and sometimes can discuss things with each other that they would rather not discuss with us. We are always glad when all four of us can be together as we feel complete and seem to balance each other out.
We are thankful that they continue to love and respect us (and we them) and dialogue with us. From visiting families in homes and other places, we know that that is not always true. They are now 30 and 27 but our young'uns always:).

Helping People: Priceless

We were encouraged lately to realize that we had been a help to a couple of people - actually more Tom than me but the principle still holds.
We were with a group of people attending a ceremony for a mutual friend. At lunch afterwards, we were sitting with a couple. I mentioned how I appreciated how supportive this couple - and this man particularly - had been to us. He is a quiet person but at a couple of gatherings for us when we were back in Chilton, he was there in the background, just letting us know he cared. He comes from a tight knit expanded family. They hang out together a lot and are very involved in each other's lives. He responded: "You (Tom and I) are just like family." I got teary eyed with the compliment but it made me realize we had had an impact in his life.
This past Friday we were with a couple who have gone through some big ups and downs. Early in their marriage especially, they had a lot of struggles. One night, the husband had been drinking and said some mean things to his wife. She wanted someone from the church to talk to him about this hurtful situation. Tom was planning to meet with the man the next day, but knowing Tom's low key ways, she didn't really expect him to confront her husband. When Tom met with him, he spoke to him about his need to step up to the plate. The guy was so surprised that Tom spoke to him like that. It stunned him and took him aback. He also took the advice seriously. The couple told us that Tom had been a big part in helping them.
There are times in life when we wonder if we are really affecting people. Those quiet consistent friendships and extensions of kindness do matter - wherever you are and whatever you are doing. These two encounters were priceless - can't buy that encouraging feeling that you have made a difference.

Books: Relaxing Friends

Some of you read a lot more than I do (like Linda Hyer). You are the type who always has another book to move on to when the current one is finished. Others, like my husband, only read articles for information, history, theology.. I like to escape through books and also like books that have believable but fictional characters. Some of my favorite writers are Charles Dickens, Agatha Christie and Jan Karon (the Mitford series). My absolute favorite is of course the inexhaustible Bible. Lately, I have enjoyed the Maisie Dobbs series and recently discovered Debbie Macomber's books, different from my normal tastes.
I like to follow authors or series that I enjoy. As a little girl, I would sit at the top of our steps in a dimly lit hall, my only private space time in a somewhat crowded house, and devour the Nancy Drew books, It seems like in high school and college I read what was required and not much else, but in adult years have enjoyed coming back to these relaxing friends.
When Tom and I were newly married, we chose not to have a television for a couple of years. I read most of Dickens when we lived in Salida. Colorado. One night, as I realized that I couldn't finish David Copperfield, my favorite of his, (about 800 pages), even if I didn't sleep, I was worried; What if Agnes married slimy Uriah Heep to help her father or out of guilt? Tom, probably asleep hours before me as usual, answered half awake something like: "It won't change the ending even if you stay up. It is a story written over a hundred years ago..and it didn't really happen anyway." Oh well. It certainly seemed real to me.!
Yesterday I finished Mary Higgins Clark's latest and I felt that same excitement. How is it going to end? I have enjoyed reading hers and Sue Grafton's mysteries. I like Sue's more for her main character Kinsey, who stays the same age throughout all of her books. John Grisham's have been good too, especially Rainmaker and The Testament,though his recent ones haven't been as enjoyable for me.
I am really not sure why I decided to write this blog. I hope you identify with it in some way, even if our choice of style may be different. I have tried suggestions of other people and am currently reading The Help about some African American maids. I am starting to get into it...

Disappointments and Disillusionment: Had to Write It

I have much to be thankful for. I have a good husband who brings me coffee daily (my sister says that I am spoiled), two great kids, Katie and Daniel, who are hard workers and sensitive, caring adults. I have an extended family - regular drama there - but as my friend Joanie says, we get together more than most families with seven siblings. I had parents, each who had issues as I do, but whom I knew loved me. I am also blessed with a myriad of friends, some of you who have taken the time to read this.
But life hasn't turned out as I had hoped or dreamed at times. Coming out of college, I wanted to help change the world through spreading the message of faith (in Jesus Christ waiting to come into each of our lives as Lord and Savior) and I still hold to that mainstay.
But along the way, there have been so many disappointments. People I have thought were steady have not stayed that way (I for that matter have not always been as steady as I wished). People we trusted have disappointed us with poor judgment and personal rejection. I think the hardest ones have been when they have not respected and appreciated my husband Tom.
And I have been and still am disillusioned with life in different ways. I still love people and am energized by them, but I don't expect as much of them. Things have been tough for not just my kids, but many of the children of friends our age that I know. The world can be a tough and lonely place at times and there is only so much to prepare one for that.
Recently, with our move, I have been going through a more bored and aimless phase - trying to decide how to regain purpose and direction - part time job, volunteer..All this takes time.
I don't want this to be a big self pity or only negative thing, so I want to go back to my Source of Hope, and truthfully, sometimes He feels very close and sometimes far away. He "knew what was in man" - some of these things I have mentioned above. He knew that we would be blindsided in life sometimes, because some/all of it happened to Him too. And He still chose to love us and die for us. I have staked my life on it, and plan to continue to do so still. I will end with a quote from Charles Stanley's devotional (today): "There is enough grace to meet and cope with all the sorrows, heartaches, temptations, testings and trials of human existence, and more added to that. God's salvation is shock proof,unbreakable, all sufficient. It is equal to every emergency."

Moehn: Our Pakistani Friend

Not all of my stories will be or have been about my health issues, and the related incident is not mainly about them.
Seven years ago, I was helping our daughter Katie move from one apartment to the next. I was carrying a light load. On my first trip out, I hit a divot on her sloping lawn and heard a crack. A doctor friend of hers,who was helping her move, told me not to move as he was pretty sure I broke my leg (I had broken the tibia and fibula). One of the other movers, a Chinese friend of Katie's, prayed with me as I laid on the ground and then kissed my cheek.
I won't go through the ordeal of the hospitalization, where Katie stayed at my side and Tom eventually joined her. I was released on a Thursday night.
Katie had gone to Turkey (as previously planned)for several weeks and left on Wednesday. Originally the doctor had said I needed to wait 10 days before flying home to Wisconsin so Tom and I secured an Extend-A-Stay hotel room of some sort.
We got to the place late in the evening. It was raining hard and there was no covered area to park or to at least let me out. We saw a young man there. He was smoking a cigarette and I assumed was on a break from work. A quiet thought came to me: "Judge not".
As we tried to get me out of the car, he came to my side immediately to help. Together, he and Tom helped get me down a very long hall to a handicapped room (Why would it be way down at the end of the hall?) I felt so weak that Moehn, the Pakistani young man, stayed with me while Tom went to get a chair from our room for me to rest in the middle of the hallway. Moehn kept asking, "Mum, are you all right?". He was so kind and cute. When we offered to pay him something, he adamantly refused.
We found out that he had a summer job selling at trade shows and was working in that area.
We asked him to come back the next night for cookies and just to visit and he seemed very pleased. He showed us pictures of his family, some of whom he hadn't seen in awhile. We invited him to come to our home in Chilton, Wisconsin and to bring along a friend if he could - something I almost never do spontaneously. I knew he was trustworthy.
He called us - and we him - several times after I returned to Wisconsin, Moehn always asking first with sincerity, "How is Mum?". We found out Mum is a term of respect and care from his country.
We sent him a graduation gift. He graduated from a university in Michigan, but somehow we lost touch after that. Moehn is one of those strangers you feel privileged to meet. I am glad I didn't let a first impression deter us from meeting a very encouraging person.

My Nursing Home Buddy: Ora

As I mentioned in my previous blog, my experiences a few summers ago were rough, but my great roommate was fun and was a blessing. Little Ora, barely five feet and trying to not get below about 100 pounds in weight, was my special roommate.
84 year old (at the time)Ora came not long after me. Several years before coming, She had lost her beloved husband and had a stroke, which left her partially paralyzed on one side. Even so, she had managed to stay in her home, with some outside help coming in. Now, needing knee surgery, she had come to Elk Haven to recuperate.
We got along well. We ate in our room. I did not want to go to the main hall and watch people drool, etc.. and Ora wanted to stay with me. We watched Jeopardy together regularly, though Tom almost always beat us when he was there. Each of us got a couple or up to about five right and he did considerably better.
We also liked our popcorn and diet root beer parties. We would watch movies or whatever together and enjoy our treats. Ora heard we could request ice cream (just the little ones you get in a six pack) so I asked her to use her sweet, high voice to ask for it. She was a favorite around there and usually could get what she asked for. Later, her niece brought us in the good stuff from Dairy Queen.
We had some great laughs. The CNA's on our floor were very helpful and hardworking, but sometimes, you had to wait awhile until they were on break or finished with another patient. One night about 6:00 p.m., Ora pushed her button and said, "someone will probably come around midnight". We cracked up! We also sometimes tried to figure out the "mystery food" we were served:). I could imitate the lady in the adjoining room, who wanted to be the queen of the throne (toilet). She would try to sneak in the bathroom, without buzzing or permission and give out a wailing "Help me". She knew how to push the button for help in there too but also wanted to be a drama queen. I have a couple of other good stories about her (like when she said I looked "like a clever girl" and was trying to get me to help her escape from her bed) but this is about Ora.
We gave each other space. Occasionally, one of us would be overwhelmed and teary-eyed. We would give each other a signal and draw the curtain. We were from different denominations. Ora clung to her rosary and I read my Bible. But we worshipped the same God. She asked me if it really said God was preparing a mansion for us in heaven and I copied out the verses for her. We were both clinging to God.
She is still at Elk Haven. During one visit, she asked me to take her along to a movie sometime. Right before we moved here, we were able to go to a chick flick together and enjoy our popcorn, soft drinks and twizzlers. Teary eyed, she asked me to call her before I moved. I didn't promise to and I didn't call but I think I will send her a copy of this instead.

A Summer to Forget

As I sat in church yesterday, I was thinking how quiet things have been here. Tom starts his new position in two weeks. We both have been bored on and off between times of seeing family and friends. Then, I remembered where I was two years ago..and I was thankful.
Two years ago on August 8th, I was anticipating the third surgery on my hip which was coming up in three days. I seriously had moments when I wondered if I would live through it. Tom told me he was quite concerned about me - more than I knew until later - as I had continued to lose weight..
As many of you know, it started in January when I fell in Walmart's parking lot. I did not slip. After the first surgery in which the ball of my hip was replaced, I did not seem to gain even my somewhat subnormal energy back. When I visited my brother and his wife in March, I would fall asleep even in public places - once at a soccer game and once during a pastor's prayer:) - not Tom's.
Anyway, one night near Memorial Day, I suddenly told Tom I needed a half of pain pill and didn't think I had the energy to walk from the car to the theater where we planned to meet for a movie after a meeting he had that night. I called my surgeon at his home, which I have never done, and he directed me to the ER. They sent me home with a cane but could find nothing wrong.
After several more weeks of consultation with my surgeon and rheumatologist, and fairly intense pain and limited mobility, it was decided to try adding a socket to the hip, as possibly the ball hadn't accepted my natural one.
When they opened me on June 24th, they found a serious infection and removed the ball, replacing it with cement. I would need at least six weeks of antibiotics three times a day and then a third surgery.
On August 11th, I had the third surgery. All year I had to sleep on my back. I needed help in the nursing home getting in and out of the bed though could take care of myself besides that. I had great support of family and friends. I lost weight without trying (though have gained that weight all back:)).
I sang a song that Summer that we sang again yesterday: "Blessed be the Name of the Lord". A few of the phrases in it include: "Blessed be Your Name when the sun is shining down on me and the world's all as it should be..on the road marked with suffering, when there is pain in the offering..Every blessing You pour out, I'll turn back to praise". Some emotional pain I have experienced has seemed as rough as this was, but each time He has brought me through. I don't always feel as close to Him as I would like to or feel I should, but I do choose to Bless His Name!

Proving That I Am Not a Wimp

A few years ago, I got a brochure in the mail about an Alliance Women Mission vision trip going to China and Mongolia. I was active in our local group and thought "I think I could do that" so I was immediately interested. When our daughter Katie heard about it, she didn't think it likely because she knew (somewhat truthfully) that "I was too much of a wimp" to handle it. I had gone to Mexico with a youth group and barely survived the heat, grumbling often to myself (and out loud at times too:), though I did enjoy the people I went with and the wonderful people we met there. Now, I was doubly motivated.
The first step was the preparation - taking only 44 pounds in my suitcase. I barely made it. I also tried unsuccessfully to take along an adaptor plug for my hair dryer and curling iron (which melted my first day there) and an international phone card, which only worked once. So much for trying.
Bev Lynch, a friend from church, gave me her frequent flyer miles to get to California. Church friends helped me in various ways too. From California, we flew over 14 hours to Hong Kong. It felt like eternity but we made it. We also started to bond as a small group of about 20 ladies.
Yes, I walked on the Great Wall of China. Amazing. I knew little about it before I went. We saw a few other sights too. The main part though was meeting some orphans out in the boondocks of China and a youth group in Mongolia. I also got to visit a home/yurt, which is a tent shaped uniquely sort of like an igloo, and also used in this case, as a place of worship. I would love to have taken a twelve year old girl home, who kept putting eye like food on my plate as we ate with the orphans buffet style. In the youth group, we heard of a young man who had sold his guitar to get his brother out of prison. He also was a translator for the missionaries. When asked what pay he wanted, he said that he wanted to look more and more like His true heavenly Father. Some of us chipped in, without him asking, to get a replacement for his guitar. In the yurt, around a rusty wood stove on a very cold day, people in the church got up one after another praising God for the most minute things. I asked the missionary if they were trying to impress us. He said they did this every week.
It really was a trip of a lifetime. I am the only person in the group who made it through the whole trip never using their form of a bathroom (squatty potties). On the way back, it only took 11 plus hours to fly from Hong Kong to California. Anyone who has been away from America knows the gratitude you feel being back on native soil. I made some new friends and proved that I am not quite as much of a wimp as some, including myself, may have previously thought.

A College Student in Distress

We have been visiting parks here and in Minnesota. I noticed a sign for Red Wing, Minnesota and it reminded me of a little adventure many years ago.
I was traveling from Stillwater, Minnesota, where I was doing my intern teaching - so you know it was a very long time ago:) - to Eau Claire, Wisconsin, where I went to college, for an important church meeting. I had heard that I was going to be nominated for a leadership position which I did not feel I should do.
A little red oil light went on. Thinking I could wait a few more exits for the very cheapest gas possible, and most likely cutting it close to get to the meeting on time,I ignored the light.
The light did not ignore me. Somewhere in the middle of nowhere, the engine blew! I had saved a few cents a gallon, but wrecked my car. No cell phones at the time. I didn't have the option to call home and ask for help even if I had had a phone nearby.
A man stopped on the deserted road. Don't ask me why I trusted him. I actually have trusted men several times to help me when I have broken down. Thankfully, they have each turned out to be honest. Anyway, this kind man took me to (I think it was) Red Wing, Minnesota. I had missed the bus back to Minnesota for the night, but was able to stay at the hotel where it picked up passengers. The cost was $4 a night. It had a sink in the room and rest room down the hall. At least it was safe and clean.
I got back to Stillwater. The man who helped me found an engine for me at a junkyard and it got installed for $100, which I sent him. He really went the extra mile for me.
A few months later, I was at a restaurant. A man came up to me to greet me. I didn't recognize him at the time -I had mainly seen him in the dark - but he was the man who had helped me - a college student in real distress.

Mothers and Troubles

If you have ever felt a panic-stricken emotional arrow to your heart regarding one of your children, you know what I am talking about. Some people call it intuition. Some may say it is a God-given alarm system. It also feels like some kind of special biological connection. Given the nature of mothers to be concerned or to worry, it can be a flase alarm at times.
It starts very young. I remember our daughter having cholic or something that caused her to seem to lose her breath at times. It would often end over the noon hour before the doctor was back in his office. There was a time our son fell and had a momentary black out and cut near his eye and we were uncertain what to do. I know mothers, one at least who may be reading this, that had to watch her son endure many operations early in life, which I can't even imagine. Thankfully, he is doing well now.
Then there is the emotional trauma as they are growing up. We watch our children be rejected by friends and there is no reasonable explanation. After all, aren't our kids the greatest? Watching them suffer as friends tease or ignore them is hard to take. When they are little, we can possibly do some intervention, helping kids go through the motions of apologizing and becoming friends again. But when they start hitting the double digit ages in life, we find that trying to help usually backfires at best. We let them know that we are on their team and help them with any part of the problem to which they may have contributed. We offer them our support and encouragement.
As time goes on, we have to let go - at least in theory:) - more and more. We try to hold tight to what we think is best for them while they are under our roof. As Judge Judy says, "we own their very breath until then". But somewhere along the line, for some sooner rather than later, we cannot do anything but wait and pray - and time sometimes seems interminable while we do that.
We love them so much! Why can't we fix their problems? A good quote from a pastor recently: "On our best day, we can maybe control ourselves pretty well" - something like that. But we keep trying. We can't seem to stop ourselves. As a wise, older friend once said: "You neer stop worrying about your kids". Discouraging somewhat but true. Maybe it's because that is part of what love is all about.

I Don't Understan : A Tribute to May Vogel

Mary Vogel is a tall,thin pretty lady in her mid 40's. She is married to an equally handsome tall, thin man named Wayne. They look like a perfectly matched, attractive couple, but neither of them is full of themselves. They have four great, growing kids, who have always been a pleasure to be around.
We had the privilege to work with them in Awana, a children's ministry, in Chilton, Wisconsin. They are consistently friendly, giving, kind and positive people - a joy to be around. Mary truly gives out the "fragrance of Christ". I cannot remember one moment of negativity from her or Wayne. She sent us sweet, supportive cards several times and encouraged us through our much lesser difficulties.
When she was diagnosed with breast cancer, she believed that God wanted her to do a wholistic approach. We have at least one other friend who has done well for years and whose cancer has stayed in remission. Unfortunately, it has hit her with a vengeance and she is fighting for her life and is in insufferable pain. She was in Minnesota for treatment, but has been moved to Sunny Ridge Nursing Home for her likely final days or weeks to be near her family. I do have complete confidence that she will be ushered into the Paradise of God when this battle is over, but it is extremely difficult to understand. I am not a faithful pray-er for anyone but I have been pretty consistent in praying for her and another friend in distress almost daily. Please keep Wayne, Mary and their children in your prayers.

Family Gatherings

Family gatherings are a mixed bag. Everyone is excited to see each other after a year, several months, etc...If it is a time of also celebrating a wedding, birthday, funeral or similar occasion, it takes on an added dimension.
We visit, laugh,eat..or if it is Tom's side of the family, pack lunches and hike.
Our family of seven, four brothers and three sisters, were able to come together for Tom's(early for his 60th) birthday this year - and our nephew Corey's. Ironically, it was also our late Grandpa's birthday and a year since the death of our Dad. A few could only stay for several hours but we all made it.
We enjoyed the pontoon, jet skis paddleboats..laying on the tubes..
The men, those who wanted to in each case, enjoyed card playing and golfing. The women watched a couple of movies and went out to eat.
It was the first time all seven of us were together since one of our parents was alive, so a dimension of home and reunion were missing. Our family has come a long way, but there are still some uncertainties and insecurities among us.
Overall, we enjoyed the beauty of Silver Lake and the hospitality of my sister Linda and brother-in-law Mike. When all was said and done, we went through a lot of great food, bottled water, sodas, toilet paper and towels.

Growing Up

Going to my __th Catholic grade school reunion brought back many memories. Obviously, I can't cover my whole childhood in a short blog writing, but I will try to hit a few of the things I remember.
My friend Mary Jo reminded me that I was boy crazy when I was younger (think she may have been too:). My friends were astonished when they thought I was that way since the fourth grade but I think it was since the age of 4. My parents' relationship with each other was not the best and I think I longed for that perfect person to meet my needs.
I will be seeing my extended family this weekend and it is amazing we are all speaking to each other when I think of the drama in our home growing up. It was often a free-for-all when my Dad wasn't there. We would chase each other around the table, throw shoes at each other, taunt each other...I guess some of that is normal?
Steve, the youngest, vividly remembers us threatening to throw him down the laundry shoot. It was a chair-opening type, just big enough for a small kid to slide through if dropped. We never actually did it. We also fought over trying to clean up the house and who had control of the television set. If we girls did get in the mood to clean, we nagged and pestered the boys to start picking up after themselves, which never happened and only further annoyed them.
When I left the house, I seemed like a different person. I remember climbing up our weeping willow tree and asking God to make me normal. The jury is still out on that one:). I usually felt I fit in okay except during those difficult adolescent times. A big turning point for me was when Scott R. decided he liked me better than my popular friend. The relationship, mainly centered on discussing the Batman series, didn't last long, but it gave me confidence.
In high school,I was neither in the popular group nor the left out group. I had to work so I found my first job, after babysitting and snow shoveling, at Grant's dime store. I also enjoyed being in debate, a drama club, math club for awhile (mainly to meet a boy, of course).
My high school counselor felt I had the potential for college. I was third in my family and the first to consider it at that time. With my Dad's strong urging to try something he regretted not doing, I headed to the then WSU - Eau Claire. Now I live about an hour or two from there.
That's it for tonight. Thanks Ruth for getting me started again.

Thoughts about Moving

Moving gives you a juxaposition (correct word?) of thoughts. Part of you wants to stay in your now familiar surroundings, with your now familiar and precious friendships and a somewhat predictable schedule. Even though nowhere you live is utopia, it is hard to branch out and start over. We have done it several times and our friend Marjie and her family have done it almost annually.
As she says, there is a cleansing process as we sort through things, find things we never missed and decide what we will really use if we take it along. Each time you see someone, you try to enjoy the time because you don't know if you will see them again in this life, certainly not as often.
In some ways you look forward to a new start. Many people call it a new adventure, but at my age, it still lacks some enthusiasm. In this move, we will be closer to our son Dan, which is first and foremost with us (though we will be further from our daughter Katie). Tom will be continuing on a path he started a few years ago (as a hospital chaplain of course) and using his gifts in new and needed ways. I am still not sure where that will leave me. Thankfully, I have a number o friends in a 100 to 200 mile radius, but that is not as accessible on a daily basis as it sounds. I also grew up in Wisconsin, so I am coming home agin, though neither of my parents are alive to greet me. Piople say I make friends easily, but it still takes time and effort and I know there will be lonely times as there are everywhere. That's just the point. We take our issues wherever we go - some positive, some negative. Thankfully, I will be able to get my favorite soft drink, Tab, again regularly:).
It is always nice to get a fresh start in a nice, clean place. Last night, I dreamt we arrived and had to clean up that place too:). I am sure that is not going to happen.
We really haven't regretted our moves though it seems harder as I get older, even with some of the very positive aspects. I don't look back and regret any of the moves we have made. Each place we have had some very difficult trials but also been enriched by some very marvelous people. And I am thankful that Tom and God go with me.

Tom and Pat: Embarrassing Moves

I don't know how to change the main topic of interesting people, so we will leave it there for now.
Tom and I are not what you call slobs but we are also not in the category of the meticulous. As we get ready to move now, there is some excitement in starting again without clutter, dirt...There are also aspects of moving that can haunt us:).
We try to leave wherever we have been or are in the best shape possible. I just shampooed the living room today though I am sure it will need another going over.
Before we left our house in San Bernardino, California, we had a friend of my brother's spray paint the inside of the house(with us following up with the touch up) to give it the best appearance possible. We had to pay someone to tear down a plywood add on to the garage(from previous owners) that had housed some wild cats at one point. Fortunately the new owners didn't mind the big hole in the far back of the yard that used to house an above ground pool. We pulled it out after a county wide fire damaged the liner with debris and we decided it was not real safe for our kids. It also was expensive to maintain.
Anyway, with a friend Jerry Parker from Wichita helping us drive to Wichita, we were on our way. Daniel, about 3 and 1/2 at the time, loved riding with him even though he couldn't yet pronounce his name. When we left Wichita, friends from the church helped us get out. It can be humiliating when people help you clear out your junk drawers, etc. Tom reminded me that one of our other friends from church hauled a load to the dump for us on our way out.
We left quite a load of trash out on the curb for pickup when we moved out of our favorite house in Howards Grove, Wisconsin.
When we left Chilton, Wisconsin after 6 and 1/2 years, we decided to downsize and rented a dumpster - yes right in front of our house. I don't know whether to be proud or embarrassed to say we filled the thing to capacity. I was trying to get everything ready for the (17) people who helped us put our stuff into the rental truck in record time. I put laundry in early in the morning to finish up. I put some new sheets in for my friend Joanie who was coming along. After two hous or so, they were ready to load the dryer and the clothes was still wet. I finished at our neighbor's next door, but realized that I had left the cardboard in with the sheets -from the new package - and it had clogged up the dryer. Meanwhile, other friends came and helped clean the floors, refrigerator, ceiling fans. One friend tried to steam clean the blinds. Oh well. We were out.
Leaving Saginaw, Michigan after only 15 months, we still needed friends to help us move and to get the tub and other things in better shape. You have to let people see the real you in these circumstances somewhat unfortunately. After loading everything possible in the truck and cars, we still had a few things left over - a nice commode and walker we had intended to pass on from one relative to another and a not so great bar stool. Two of the workers, one the pastor, actually seemed to want them, so away we went.
Who knows what will show up this time? It's doubtful we will get out of here without some red-faced moments. Thankfully, all the people who helped are still on friendly terms with us. They know we have issues.
One other thing I have found helpful: I buy cheap toasters. I just throw the old one out rather than let people see how dirty it has gotten.
Well, we will be on our way again in a few weeks. Hopefully, we will still be able to face the people who help us move when we meet again:).

Harry and Nellie Himes: The Cutest Couple (Bar None:))

Harry and Nellie will be married for 68 years on May 27th. We just had apple pie and ice cream with them this afternoon and they are still going strong. Harry is 91 and Nellie is 86. They have children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and great great grandchildren stopping by regularly. Besides apple pie, they serve steak, spaghetti-os, pancakes..whatever the need calls for:). They are often busy with the reunions, wedding and baby showers..and everyone stopped in on Mother's Day of course.
If you plan to have a quiet visit with them, call ahead. They might be shopping, painting, canning, cutting the grass or a variety of other things.
They get along very well. Nellie speaks her mind (a fellow Judge Judy fan:), but is not an argumentative person. She had the spunk to follow Harry to Army bases in Virginia and Illinois (from Pennsylvania) in World War II. In one of these cases, their son Harry Jr. slept in our forefather Patrick Henry's cradle, later restored and placed in his own home/museum?. She lives with one partially operating kidney (somewhere between 12 and 21% operational) because she refused dialysis about 20 years ago. She is cute when she takes Harry, me or anyone by the arm to escort her in a crowded room.
Harry is a true gentleman. You can tell that as soon as you meet him. He has great stories of their early travels to California and about the time they almost bought a farm in my home state of Wisconsin. He, Nellie and the kids built the home they live in when he was working 6 days a week. A couple of weeks ago, he and a man about half his age mowed the church lawn. He still mows his 2 and 1/2 acres and fills up their wood furnace in the winter regularly. Harry takes good care of Nellie and she takes good care of him.
They are more likely to be at church than anyone. Once this past winter, Tom sent them back home from the parking lot because he felt it was unsafe for them to come out. Very few people even attempted it. One of the last to wear a tie regularly on a Sunday morning, he is always kind and respectful. I love his chuckle and sense of humor.
They have been faithful friends and a very big encouragement to us. Everyone who knows them would agree that they are the "cutest couple" they know.

Art and Nora Schreurs: Simply Generous

"The people who influence us most are not those who buttonhole us and talk to us, but those who live their lives like stars in heaven and the lilies of the field, perfectly simply and unaffectedly. Those are the lives that mold us." (My Utmost for His Highest)
Art was part owner of a fairly successful coal business before he retired. You wouldn't have known it by the way he and Nora lived. Their house was clean and functional - sturdy:) - but nothing extravagant. Nora often wore a plain shift and walked regularly to the West Side bakery to pick up day old bread for themselves and a struggling family in the church. She still used a wringer washer in the 80's and prided herself in making her own secret recipe lye soap and she hung out the wash regularly. When Art was in the nursing home, the summer we lived with her, the wasted food was abhorring to her. When we stayed with them, we felt wasteful giving our toddlers baths each night and even hid our Big Boy bucket from our take out order of fish.
You wouldn't have known right away that hey had lost one of their two daughters, her husband and three children in a landslide, while they were serving as missionaries in New Guinea - a heartbreak that stays forever wih any and all parents.
Yet, they continued to have the young people in their home Sunday nights for Bible study. I don't drink tea but I always sipped on a cup when Nora offered one to me. Art always had a twinkle in his eye for Nora and as he shared his Bible maps and wisdom with us.
When I needed to raise $800 for my training time with Campus Crusade, he told me to come over when the time was close. I know he had decided to give me whatever monies were still needed. I had most of it but he made up the rest. When I hadn't received a paycheck yet - and had been asked to cosign on a loan to pay it - I asked for his wisdom. He gave me a check for $100 , calling it a loan that didn't need to be repaid. I learned a lot from that and was actually able to pay him back before I needed to cash it. My parents didn't have much money towards my wedding, which didn't bother me because I knew they didn't have it. He and Nora gave us $100 towards our simple reception. I heard from someone else hat they matched a 1/3 or 2/3's of a building fund, though I never heard that from them.
Nora had a little weathered newspaper clipping tacked up on a bulletn board about how much we could give if we each saved all of our paper clips, rubber bands,... That's how they lived. Their love for God, us and each other were the most valued treasures they gave.

Cute Couples: The Comedian Couple

Tom and I have enjoyed almost 33 years of "wedded bliss' - well not always:), but I thought I'd do a few blogs on couples that have made it longer than we have.
Kenny and Ruth have been married over 40 years. They live in Chilton and are parents of two and grandparents of four. We met them at our church and enjoyed having them in a couples' group we were in. We found out in that group that we all still have things from childhood that bother us. We drew close to one another. Ken was trying to find a way to come along "in our suitcase" when we left Chilton. They visited us here and in Michigan and already have reservations in La Crosse.
Even though Ruth has MS and they have had a variety of family problems that have been overwhelming at times, they pick each other up and keep each other going. Ruth is a very giving person and it is hard for her to say no. Once in awhile, Ken is able to help her to actually do that.
When we were in Bible study together, we had to call "rabbit trails" on Kenny. He is a great storyteller and would often help us get off the subject (usually with laughter:). Ruth will often act amazed about something Kenny is saying, exclaiming: "I never knew that about you!".
One night during our group, Ruth was commenting on the need to get their lawn mowed. She pointed to the person next to her but wasn't paying attention. Finally I asked, "Ruth, why are you saying that Carlos needs to do that?". She replied with astonishment: "Oh no! I thought you were Kenny! I almost put my hands all over you". I laughed until I cried.
When they came to visit us here, it was a more somber time. Ruth's Mother (and my Dad as it turned out) were near death. But when they visited us in Michigan, they kept us hopping with their combined sense of humor for most of the time.

Donna: My Infusion Nurse Friend

When I went for my infusion treatment the other day, I told Donna I might blog about her. She said I could write anything I wished about her.
When I met Donna about 18 months ago, she looked like she had everything together. She dresses and acts professionally and graciously. She loves her patients and her job and it shows. I am sure she treats people with varying degrees of serious health concerns but she keeps a very upbeat attitude. Her husband is a college professor. They have worked hard to attain their goals, needing to be very frugal when they were first married but seem to be at a level of financial freedom now.
As I come in every four weeks, we have developed a friendship. I have told her some of my struggles and joys and she has told me some of hers. We of course are in one of my most hated words, "transition" (again:), and we have talked together through some of that. She has shared some estrangement between family members, which breaks her heart at times. We both shared some upbeat news about our daughters this week - hers going to a prom in a very specially picked and priced gown and mine in a dating relationship which looks promising.
Last month, she was not there. I have been a sub often so I tried not to make her replacement feel bad. I assumed that Donna took a few days off for a little vacation. When I asked her on Tuesday where she had been, she told me of some major upheaval in her family's lives. Her husband has been diagnosed with thyroid cancer, not the worst kind but not the first two types, which can be treated easily. He most likely starts chemo/radiation? next week. Please keep "Terr", her husband in your prayers. As usual, Donna is keeping a hopeful and encouraging attitude for the most part. He is understandably down.
You never know when you meet someone what is really behind the "door" in his or her life... It is easy to assume so much until we really get to know people. We plan to stay in touch when I leave. Maybe she and her husband will be able to visit us sometime.

Kay Dickey: My Pennsylvania Mentor

Just about everywhere I have lived, I have looked up to and tried to emulate in some way, special, more mature women than me. In California, there was Sonny Randolph, an older widow. Tom and I were helping with the senior citizens' group, (who gave us a great baby shower for Daniel), and Sonny was the Sunday school teacher. She knew the Bible and Greek better than most seminary students. In Kansas, Betty Syrell, whose first husband was a pastor, was someone I looked up to. She had worked for GM for 27 years and was remarried to a Native American veteran after her first husband died. They helped us as though we were their children (even though she had seven of her own) and our children as grandchildren. She encouraged me as a teacher and crocheted quilts for all four of us. Once, they insisted on lending us their extra car after we had had a series of mechanical problems with ours and a friend's. We have a cross stitched plaque from them which says something like "In heaven there are many mansions. We hope ours are near yours". We hope so too. Then there is Martha Boese from Saginaw, Michigan. In her 80's, she is still volunteering at the gift shop at the Rescue Mission and available to help many others, including her husband, who is now in a nursing home. We had fun going to a Nancy Drew movie together before we left there.
By the way, at lest one person looks up to me: Kris boll from Chilton, Wisconsin. She says I am the only one who understands her jokes:).
Now to my dear friend Kay who I will sorely miss. I am trying to appreciate this remaining time with her.Even though she has five of her own kids, and two of her grandchildren stay with her and Gerry and their son half of each week, she has made room in her heart and in her time commitments for me.
We talk on the phone mainly, because her husband Gerry has had a debilitating stroke and she can't leave him for more than a few hours at a time. I have heard that she was a very good Sunday school teacher, and was active in other aspects of the church, but for this season of her life, she is by her husband's side. She carries on the main chores of the house inside and out, as well as helping him with his special needs. He often has her trying to do mechanical jobs and other things while her supervises, not her main strength, but she tries. He was able to work hard and do these things faithfully for many years, but now he can't. He maintains a positive attitude and is an encouragement to all of us at our little church.
They have had us over to eat quite a few times and she usually makes her unique onion pie, because she knows I love it. She usually sends an extra for us to eat at home.
Mainly she listens to me. She has guided me to some very helpful books, especially the 10 Red Sea Rules, how God makes a way when it is difficult to understand what is happening. She also gave us a great book for Christmas, which helped Tom understand how his DNA is especially fitted to be a hospital chaplain. Sometimes, she has helped me to settle down when I have been riled up about something. I know she doesn't always agree with every choice I make, but she does not seem judgmental or controlling (something I still need to work on).
I consider a very strong woman and friend. She has also made up for something of a Mother gap (no mothers are perfect as we all know) for me, even though she is not old enough to be my Mother. I am thankful that she will only be a phone call away when we move, but I know it won't be quite the same.

Belle Gill : A Godly Legacy

Grandma Gill was a sweet Christian lady. I set a goal to be more like her when I was in my early 30's or so and one of my best compliments was from my sister Jean. At my Mother's graveside service, she said "You are becoming more like Grandma."
She loved God and had a stack with a Bible, devotionals, etc... next to her sitting chair.She did some of the usual things - taught Sunday School, led some devotionals..attended the Merry Hearts Club at church.
One of the special things she did was to visit and to help the migrant workers. Migrant workers would come up for the season to pick crops. Grandma would collect clean used clothes for them and give them to them saying "God loves you". I went with her once or twice. These people lived in metal shacks and were so thankful for the help. Grandpa Gill, the joker of the two, used to say that everyone thought Grandma was so good, but he said he had to do the heavy hauling, carrying the boxes from the basement. She also stepped out and helped at least one of these men to be treated fairly legally and they corresponded with him for some time.
She loved her only son, George, my Dad. I think she wrote to him every day while he was in the service. She loved us grandchildren too, though we sometimes had to sneak over because there was a rift between her and our Mom. I would ride my bike to the south side of Sheboygan, assured that Grandma would put out a spread for me and that Grandpa would go to buy me some soda (and then tease me about how much ice he could cram into a cup to chill it:)). I would usually leave with a kiss and a dime.
I brought my boyfriends over to meet them. After she met Tom, she said that she thought I would say "yes" to this one. He hadn't asked yet.
Most of all, she always spoke of "trusting God" - how that's what sustained her. We were not of the same denomination and she didn't emphasize that. She was not one who could verbalize the gospel message, but when I became a Christian I knew who was a true one.

Judge Judy: No Partiality

I want to write about the legacy of my godly
Grandmother but thought I would lighten it up first.
Yes, I do consider Judge Judy one of my mentors. Tom doesn't particularly care for her yelling, but I see past that and agree with her that she is a "truth machine". Very seldom do I disagree with her decisions and neither do her litigants.
I turn my phone off most days during her first half hour because I hate to be interrupted by anything. Tom knows not to talk to me during it - oops. When I was in the nursing home recovering from an infection, my younger sister Linda knew I was "still alive and kicking" because I asked her to call back after it was over.
First of all, I like that she seems to have no partiality. Even though she is a short 5"2", she can stare down any person in a three piece suit or drug seller off the streets. Tom used to think she favored women, but she will call anyone an "idiot"..who is not paying child support or lying to her face.
She loves children and often encourages people to give them "the widest sphere of love" possible,and even extends that to deadbeat Moms and Dads (as long as it is a safe environment). She does however encourage parents not to make excuses for their children's malicious or wrong behavior.
She does have the only "attitude" allowed in the court and is very funny.
Not many people get past her.
I would not bring a case before her unless I was 150% sure of winning. And I know she wouldn't care if I was and am one of her biggest fans or not:).

Mom: Always There

When my Mom passed away in September of 2007, each of her kids wrote one comment about her, which I was privileged to read at her funeral. The recurring theme was that she was "always there" for her children and grandchildren and great grandchildren.
Growing up, I didn't always accept her. There was a lot of tension in our house and I sided with my Dad because I didn't understand her and some of her limitations. He later regretted the things he had said to her and I conveyed his sorrow to her the last night of her life, though I don't think she was coherent enough to understand.
I want to speak about her strengths in honor of her near Mother's Day.
We always knew we could come home. I sometimes pictured us down on our luck, with just enough to rent a UHaul and to arrive at her doorstep. We never needed to do that, but other family members did from time to time. If she had $2 left, she would have said "pick up hamburgers or pieces of bakery for yourself and me" and we'd figure out what to do the next day. My parents divorced and I think it surprised all of us how she managed to budget quite well, with some inheritance windfalls here and there, on a very limited income. The kids pitched in to help both our parents in later years, but she managed what she had and shared what she could. She loved seeing her kids and talking to us often.
She showed up for all of our events if possible - every graduation, basketball game, play.. She would save her money for a trip - or would get it for a birthday or Christmas gift - and offer to help with groceries and expenses when she got there if she needed to travel.
She loved to give and receive gifts. She would ask you a month or two ahead of your birthday or Christmas what you wanted. Towards the end, she couldn't afford much, but our Anchor Hocking 13 X 9 glass dish with carrying case (because we go to a lot of potlucks for church) is a nice reminder of her. She appreciated every gift she was given no matter how small or how large. You could not give her a gift early. She would open it right away.
I think I got my comfortableness in talking with people from her. She would converse with people at the bus stop. She was loved by my brothers' friends for her welcoming spirit. She figured anyone she asked for help at the store would be happy to help her.
Sometimes, she could be very funny. Out of the blue, she would make a very unusual but funny comment. She had kind of a whimsical smile, not quite a Mona Lisa, but difficult to understand - like she was thinking about something humorous.
That's a little snapshot of her.

Rosa: One of My Regrets

I want to do at least one more person from our prison ministry. The rest of the week I plan to write about my Mother, Grandmother.. and others who have mentored me in honor of Mother's Day.
I enjoyed the women I met in the prison. They knew they had made mistakes, sometimes the worst being to follow marginal men. They were more willing to talk openly about their lives than the general population of women. Some people might have thought I was foolish when I took recently born Katie (born 30 years ago today:))for some of them to see, but I was not afraid at all.
We were going to visit inmates at the California Correctional Facilities in southern California. At the time, our ministry director and his wife were followers of a Biblical counseling philosophy, which encouraged us to find the sin problem and address it with Scripture. Like teaching philosophies that come and go, it was not all-inclusive and to be fair, their point of view shifted drastically and much more graciously not long after the visit I will refer to. Also, the director's wife, now a widow in her 80's, still corresponds and helps inmates in their faith from her home - a ministry of love.
Anyway, I met with Rosa (I don't remember her real name), a young Hispanic woman, whom I happened to know was very bitter and an admitted homosexual. She told me about her life - how she had to crawl to her Father for a plate of beans, how she had come here to the United States with her "wetback" (her words I think) boyfriend/ husband, how he had been found out and sent back to Mexico while she was with child, and how she had been raped by the desk clerk at the hotel where she was staying. I probably answered her with a Scripture and a prayer.
When I got home, I felt very sad for her and could understand why she would have such a hard time believing in a loving, good, male-imaged God. I certainly would have found that difficult or impossible if I were in her same position.
I wish I had shown her more compassion and love and understanding. I have learned a lot since then. A quick answer doesn't solve almost anything. God's love has been my mainstay. I wish I had shown her more of it.

Miriam: A Shining Light

Miriam (real name)and her husband Dave met when they bumped into each other in their wheelchairs when they were undergraduate students in Michigan. Miriam had dislocated hip sockets from birth which required periodic surgeries thoughout her life. Dave had been wrestling on some steps at his fraternity and sustained permanent paralysis from his waist down.
As a young girl, Miriam used to try hard to "fake" it on physical tests at the doctors so people wouldn't know how serious her pain and health issuees were. Miriam was and is a petite, sweet artistic person.
As she got older, they found the source of her problems and she had to endure some difficult surgeries. She would wait until she was extreme pain before facing the ordeal of another surgery and recovery. While I lived near hear, she had to repeat a failed surgery about six weeks after the previous one - doctor's mistake I believe. She also quietly cared for Dave's special needs. Dave became a Christian counselor and continues to this day his hobby of interracting with people via ham radio. Obviously, both are examples of true heroism.
Miriam likes to paint and write. Even though they couldn't have children, she loved them. She had a special baby shower for our son Dan and listened to my gripes and complaints and high spots as we raised two preschoolers. I remember Dave being at a birthday celebration for Daniel. Daniel, probably turning one, was intrigued by Dave's sunglasses.
After I had Daniel, I felt it was right for her to lead our ladies' Bible study for awhile. I would stay by her side and cheer her on for a change. She would study and try to organize it all week. When it was time for the study, we would share concerns and prayer requests. Often, we didn't get much further. Miriam would start to cry with love and mercy for the women in the group. Then, she would feel bad that we didn't get further along. The women loved her and sensed her genuine care. We learned so much from her merciful spirit.
After we moved, we came through California with our kids and had a meal with Dave and Miriam. After we left, our kids, now quite a bit older, said she "glowed".

The Not So Social Social

I feel a little conflicted about writing this. If you want to give me feedback on it, "message" me on facebook. As I write this I miss Robin and may try to contact her at her old address.
Robin was a good friend. When I met her, I thought she was a very pretty girl who seemed to have it together. She was 40ish, single, had an outstanding singing voice (including for solos at church) and helped LeAnn and I with a kids' group.
Tom went to Portugal for six and a half weeks for a cross cultural internship required with his seminary training. I could have gone along but with a four year old and a one year old, it seemed like it would be more hassle than it was worth. Robin came by often that summer and really met a loneliness need for me.
Let me say clearly that I have issues and all of my good friends do too. Thankfully, we learn to love and accept each other in spite of them.
Robin's issues started to unravel and became apparent in several ways. She had been working for a Christian man but gave him a list of grievances about her job, including needing to empty the small trash cans. She was let go. She (and her birds) stayed with some coworkers/ acquaintances of ours and she seemed upset with them because they had complained about finding some bird droppings. She stayed with us for a couple of weeks (one week or so is maximum for me in most cases now). She was a good guest overall.
She felt strongly about health food and the more I learn, the more I think she was more right about that then we were and are. One day she was upset because she had accidentally left her specially bouth "fertile " eggs at the store. It seemed humorous to us at the time. She didn't really comment or even seem too judgmental as my kids drank Koolaid and ate hot dogs and macaroni and cheese.
At the kids group, LeAnn and I tried to provide healthier snacks, partly to avoid offending her.
One night, there was a social at church. Cake and punch were served. I remember LeAnn and I standing on the steps as Robin approached from below. She "blew up" at LeAnn, questionning why healthy snacks like peanuts, juice..weren't being served at it. We were dumbfounded because LeAnn had nothing to do with th social and we told her that. I am sure I was defensive for my friend LeAnn but don't remember how I reacted.
Robin seemed cool to us after that. At least once before singing a solo at church, she gave an introduction, which seemed to be aimed at slamming us (and maybe at the pastor too).
I asked the pastor's wife if I was reading too much into it. She didn't think so and said something like "I think this is an indication tha you are being prepared for ministry". The pastor's wife was about the age I am no. I learned several tings from her (including to be yourself as a pastor's wife) and this was one of her words of wisdom.

Baby Talk : A Little Girl's Dream Comes True

I am still in the 80's so I have a long way to go.
Katie was six years old. She wanted Baby Talk for Christmas. Tom was in seminary and working part time. I was subbing some but we didn't have the money for the doll.
I was at Katie's pre-school program. I talked to another mother, A for anonymous and because I am sorry to admit that I have forgotten her name. We were talking after the program and discussing Chrismas gifts for our children. She said she was buying her daughter THE Baby Talk. I replied that that was what Katie wanted too but we didn't think we could afford to buy it for her. I didn't really know her so I didn't think much of it.
I was gone one Saturday afternoon. When I returned, Tom told me that A had dropped off the doll for Katie. I am still teary eyed to think of this as I write it. A had been offered an extra shift as an RN and felt God wanted her to take it and to buy the doll for Katie. She told us that she wanted it to be given anonymously to Katie. Katie absolutely loved that doll, panicking at Christmas when the doll said she wanted to be fed and Katie couldn't find her bottle. We listened to it talk through the ride when we moved to Wichita, Kansas not long afterwards.
On a side note: Tom was also volunteering at our church as a pastor in training. The staff decided to split the Christmas gift that year with us. As a result, Tom was able to hunt down a Casey the Robot, Daniel's dream toy that year, on Christmas Eve:).
One other side note: Katie was not close friends with A's daughter, though she was a nice girl. We limited the number of kids that our children could invite to their birthday parties based on their ages. A and her daughter happened to stop by during Katie's birthday party. I felt horrible that the little girl hadn't been invited.

Hair Rollers on a Sunday Morning

This is another story about C. After this one, I may move on to another phase not dealing with prisoners.
We tried to help men and women who had been incarcerated to find jobs.
C got a job at Goodwill. I can't remember how long he worked there but he failed to show up for work and we were somehow contacted. This was before the regular use of cell phones so communication was more limited. We didn't know where he was.
That same weekend, my brother Nick was visiting us from out of town. His car had broken down and he needed to take the bus back home on Sunday morning. We lived in San Bernardino, California at the time, a city of about 100,000. I also normally would have been in church at that time.
I took Nick to the bus station. A short distance from my car, I clearly saw C in a car. A lady with hair rollers exited his car - also at the bus station. How unusual was that?
The following Monday, Tom was talking to C. C said he had been stranded all weekend in San Diego with a flat tire. Tom told him that I had positively seen him and his lady friend at the bus station.
Silence. Busted!
I learned to be somewhat of a discerning detective while in the prison ministry - possibly what I call street smart. I also felt that I had some Divine help for this encounter.

Soap Opera Night at the Bains

This next person is not easy to write about. The next story about C (Tom asked me not to use their names) will have a little humor in it, but don't look for it in this entry.
I never really liked or trusted C. He looked and acted like the type of person you would expect to see as a hardened criminal.
The prison ministry, which we worked with, started because C had assaulted the director's wife and stolen their car. They chose to forgive him, visit him in prison and help him on the outside. I never fully sensed that he was truly sorry and neither did B, another Country western type ex-con, whom I did like and did somewhat trust.
I know it is not right to not forgive. One Sunday, I didn't take communion because I knew I was harboring unforgiveness and wasn't really sorry about it. That day, C wanted to make a special meal for us because it was near my birthday. He also called Tom a "tall drink of water" as a somewhat endearing term. Once when he called and asked for Tom using that phrase, after we had moved, a bit of fear chilled me.
Anyway, on to the main story.
B and C were staying in an unsupervised halfway house (big mistake), an experiment our director was attempting in the ministry. I think they had use of the house without cost.
The director and his wife were out of town. C somehow showed up on our door step barefoot and with a stab wound. I immediately took our little toddler Katie into our bedroom and locked the door.
We found out that C and B had been drinking and had gotten into a fight. B cared about our director's wife and he too felt C was unrepentant about the situation with our director's wife.
We had no credit card and C did not want to go to the police or to the hospital. We talked with our director on the phone and somehow agreed to put C up for the night. It was one of my hardest nights of faith. I knew he was too weak to harm me or our daughter.
We made it through. I remember we had been talking to a relative that evening and he commented that we had a regular soap opera going on at our house. It still scares me somewhat to think of it.
The next morning at breakfast, C tried to blame B for the whole incident. I told him he was at fault too. I am brave at odd times sometimes:).

Seeds of Remembrance

I have to use the real names in my next two entries. No other names seem to fit - and I am quite sure they will never read these.
Rudy was a big African American exprisoner that we allowed to stay with us for two weeks. I instinctively trusted him. I don't remember what his crime had been though he did look straight at our hutch once and said "When you want drugs,you would steal from your own Grandmother". Possibly a red flag.
He was very polite. If he got to our house before Tom, he would wait out in the car until Tom arrived. He stayed in our spare bedroom which had orange shag carpeting.
Some time after he left our home, he started to change, perhaps reverting back to some of his old habits. He was rude to Tom at least once. He came to our home in one of our prison ministry director's loaner cars and asked us for gas money one night, insistent that we give him some money. We had no credit cards at the time and very little extra money. He used the little bit of change that we gave him and whatever he had and drove out of town.
He did leave us a remembrance however: He loved to suck on (and obviously spit out) sunflower seeds and we found those seeds embedded in the carpet in his room for a long time afterwards:).

The Ominous Phone Call

We were living in a small town in Colorado working with young inmates in a nearby prison.
At that time, it was a privilege to make a phone call to the outside. Often, prisoners would ask the volunteer chaplains to help them get a call to their family. They realized that if the call was urgent, it was more likely to be granted.
We had become close to Randy and his wife Sarah. Sarah often came three hours on the bus, sometimes with her two young boys, to visit her husband. She was a smart woman and we sometimes wondered why the two had ever married. We enjoyed vistis with both of them and went to see Sarah at her apartment when we were travelling in her area.
Randy was a pleasant person. He wanted us to be godparents at his younger son's baptism when he got out.
One day, he asked Tom for a phone call, saying that the younger boy Christian had died.
When Tom came home, I was deeply saddened to hear the news. We had company that evening but the news of Christian's death was on the forefront of my mind.
Later that evening, I decided to call Sarah. When she picked up the phone and answered with a light, friendly "Hi" to me, I stumbled for words. I was speechless.
Finally, she asked me what was wrong and I mentioned Christian's name. "What about Christian? He is right here in the crib."
Needless to say (see above story to surmise my temperament), I had Tom call the facility and have a guard get him out of bed to let him know how inappropriate his behavior had been.
After Sarah waited faithfully for him to be released, he got a job at a gas station. One day he drove off with one of the customer's cars.

Memories of Interesting People

The names have been changed to protect the guilty:).
Country Rose :
We lived in a small town in Colorado in the late 1970's and early 1980. We had purchased our first home, a 14' by 70', 3 bedroom mobile home. I was expecting our first child.
We had been trying to help a single lady and her three children. I will call her Cathy. Their rentals had the smell of urine in them and the kids and mother didn't have much. We gave them rides to church..
The mother needed some kind of stomach surgery and we offered to take care of the kids - Tim, Tyler and Rachel. Some of the ladies of the church helped us with food..
Overall, the week we had them went pretty well. A gerbil did escape out of the bottom of our not too airtight door of one of the bedrooms, which the kids were staying in. I remember having kind of a minor confrontation with the older boy about going to youth group or something. (Years later, when we visited, he tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I remembered him:)).
On the last night (we thought) of the hospital stay, Rachel, who was probably a first grader at the time, got sick. She was crying for her Mother. I think she was laying on the couch begging for Cathy. I promised to at least call Cathy so she could get some comfort.
When we called the hospital, we found out she had been released. We ended up locating her line dancing? at the Country Rose. Needless to say, I strongly suggested that she should come and get her kids.
To be fair, she sent us a nice thank you letter years later from Texas, updating us on herself and the kids.