Disappointments and Disillusionment: Had to Write It

I have much to be thankful for. I have a good husband who brings me coffee daily (my sister says that I am spoiled), two great kids, Katie and Daniel, who are hard workers and sensitive, caring adults. I have an extended family - regular drama there - but as my friend Joanie says, we get together more than most families with seven siblings. I had parents, each who had issues as I do, but whom I knew loved me. I am also blessed with a myriad of friends, some of you who have taken the time to read this.
But life hasn't turned out as I had hoped or dreamed at times. Coming out of college, I wanted to help change the world through spreading the message of faith (in Jesus Christ waiting to come into each of our lives as Lord and Savior) and I still hold to that mainstay.
But along the way, there have been so many disappointments. People I have thought were steady have not stayed that way (I for that matter have not always been as steady as I wished). People we trusted have disappointed us with poor judgment and personal rejection. I think the hardest ones have been when they have not respected and appreciated my husband Tom.
And I have been and still am disillusioned with life in different ways. I still love people and am energized by them, but I don't expect as much of them. Things have been tough for not just my kids, but many of the children of friends our age that I know. The world can be a tough and lonely place at times and there is only so much to prepare one for that.
Recently, with our move, I have been going through a more bored and aimless phase - trying to decide how to regain purpose and direction - part time job, volunteer..All this takes time.
I don't want this to be a big self pity or only negative thing, so I want to go back to my Source of Hope, and truthfully, sometimes He feels very close and sometimes far away. He "knew what was in man" - some of these things I have mentioned above. He knew that we would be blindsided in life sometimes, because some/all of it happened to Him too. And He still chose to love us and die for us. I have staked my life on it, and plan to continue to do so still. I will end with a quote from Charles Stanley's devotional (today): "There is enough grace to meet and cope with all the sorrows, heartaches, temptations, testings and trials of human existence, and more added to that. God's salvation is shock proof,unbreakable, all sufficient. It is equal to every emergency."