Disappointments and Disillusionment: Had to Write It

I have much to be thankful for. I have a good husband who brings me coffee daily (my sister says that I am spoiled), two great kids, Katie and Daniel, who are hard workers and sensitive, caring adults. I have an extended family - regular drama there - but as my friend Joanie says, we get together more than most families with seven siblings. I had parents, each who had issues as I do, but whom I knew loved me. I am also blessed with a myriad of friends, some of you who have taken the time to read this.
But life hasn't turned out as I had hoped or dreamed at times. Coming out of college, I wanted to help change the world through spreading the message of faith (in Jesus Christ waiting to come into each of our lives as Lord and Savior) and I still hold to that mainstay.
But along the way, there have been so many disappointments. People I have thought were steady have not stayed that way (I for that matter have not always been as steady as I wished). People we trusted have disappointed us with poor judgment and personal rejection. I think the hardest ones have been when they have not respected and appreciated my husband Tom.
And I have been and still am disillusioned with life in different ways. I still love people and am energized by them, but I don't expect as much of them. Things have been tough for not just my kids, but many of the children of friends our age that I know. The world can be a tough and lonely place at times and there is only so much to prepare one for that.
Recently, with our move, I have been going through a more bored and aimless phase - trying to decide how to regain purpose and direction - part time job, volunteer..All this takes time.
I don't want this to be a big self pity or only negative thing, so I want to go back to my Source of Hope, and truthfully, sometimes He feels very close and sometimes far away. He "knew what was in man" - some of these things I have mentioned above. He knew that we would be blindsided in life sometimes, because some/all of it happened to Him too. And He still chose to love us and die for us. I have staked my life on it, and plan to continue to do so still. I will end with a quote from Charles Stanley's devotional (today): "There is enough grace to meet and cope with all the sorrows, heartaches, temptations, testings and trials of human existence, and more added to that. God's salvation is shock proof,unbreakable, all sufficient. It is equal to every emergency."

Moehn: Our Pakistani Friend

Not all of my stories will be or have been about my health issues, and the related incident is not mainly about them.
Seven years ago, I was helping our daughter Katie move from one apartment to the next. I was carrying a light load. On my first trip out, I hit a divot on her sloping lawn and heard a crack. A doctor friend of hers,who was helping her move, told me not to move as he was pretty sure I broke my leg (I had broken the tibia and fibula). One of the other movers, a Chinese friend of Katie's, prayed with me as I laid on the ground and then kissed my cheek.
I won't go through the ordeal of the hospitalization, where Katie stayed at my side and Tom eventually joined her. I was released on a Thursday night.
Katie had gone to Turkey (as previously planned)for several weeks and left on Wednesday. Originally the doctor had said I needed to wait 10 days before flying home to Wisconsin so Tom and I secured an Extend-A-Stay hotel room of some sort.
We got to the place late in the evening. It was raining hard and there was no covered area to park or to at least let me out. We saw a young man there. He was smoking a cigarette and I assumed was on a break from work. A quiet thought came to me: "Judge not".
As we tried to get me out of the car, he came to my side immediately to help. Together, he and Tom helped get me down a very long hall to a handicapped room (Why would it be way down at the end of the hall?) I felt so weak that Moehn, the Pakistani young man, stayed with me while Tom went to get a chair from our room for me to rest in the middle of the hallway. Moehn kept asking, "Mum, are you all right?". He was so kind and cute. When we offered to pay him something, he adamantly refused.
We found out that he had a summer job selling at trade shows and was working in that area.
We asked him to come back the next night for cookies and just to visit and he seemed very pleased. He showed us pictures of his family, some of whom he hadn't seen in awhile. We invited him to come to our home in Chilton, Wisconsin and to bring along a friend if he could - something I almost never do spontaneously. I knew he was trustworthy.
He called us - and we him - several times after I returned to Wisconsin, Moehn always asking first with sincerity, "How is Mum?". We found out Mum is a term of respect and care from his country.
We sent him a graduation gift. He graduated from a university in Michigan, but somehow we lost touch after that. Moehn is one of those strangers you feel privileged to meet. I am glad I didn't let a first impression deter us from meeting a very encouraging person.

My Nursing Home Buddy: Ora

As I mentioned in my previous blog, my experiences a few summers ago were rough, but my great roommate was fun and was a blessing. Little Ora, barely five feet and trying to not get below about 100 pounds in weight, was my special roommate.
84 year old (at the time)Ora came not long after me. Several years before coming, She had lost her beloved husband and had a stroke, which left her partially paralyzed on one side. Even so, she had managed to stay in her home, with some outside help coming in. Now, needing knee surgery, she had come to Elk Haven to recuperate.
We got along well. We ate in our room. I did not want to go to the main hall and watch people drool, etc.. and Ora wanted to stay with me. We watched Jeopardy together regularly, though Tom almost always beat us when he was there. Each of us got a couple or up to about five right and he did considerably better.
We also liked our popcorn and diet root beer parties. We would watch movies or whatever together and enjoy our treats. Ora heard we could request ice cream (just the little ones you get in a six pack) so I asked her to use her sweet, high voice to ask for it. She was a favorite around there and usually could get what she asked for. Later, her niece brought us in the good stuff from Dairy Queen.
We had some great laughs. The CNA's on our floor were very helpful and hardworking, but sometimes, you had to wait awhile until they were on break or finished with another patient. One night about 6:00 p.m., Ora pushed her button and said, "someone will probably come around midnight". We cracked up! We also sometimes tried to figure out the "mystery food" we were served:). I could imitate the lady in the adjoining room, who wanted to be the queen of the throne (toilet). She would try to sneak in the bathroom, without buzzing or permission and give out a wailing "Help me". She knew how to push the button for help in there too but also wanted to be a drama queen. I have a couple of other good stories about her (like when she said I looked "like a clever girl" and was trying to get me to help her escape from her bed) but this is about Ora.
We gave each other space. Occasionally, one of us would be overwhelmed and teary-eyed. We would give each other a signal and draw the curtain. We were from different denominations. Ora clung to her rosary and I read my Bible. But we worshipped the same God. She asked me if it really said God was preparing a mansion for us in heaven and I copied out the verses for her. We were both clinging to God.
She is still at Elk Haven. During one visit, she asked me to take her along to a movie sometime. Right before we moved here, we were able to go to a chick flick together and enjoy our popcorn, soft drinks and twizzlers. Teary eyed, she asked me to call her before I moved. I didn't promise to and I didn't call but I think I will send her a copy of this instead.

A Summer to Forget

As I sat in church yesterday, I was thinking how quiet things have been here. Tom starts his new position in two weeks. We both have been bored on and off between times of seeing family and friends. Then, I remembered where I was two years ago..and I was thankful.
Two years ago on August 8th, I was anticipating the third surgery on my hip which was coming up in three days. I seriously had moments when I wondered if I would live through it. Tom told me he was quite concerned about me - more than I knew until later - as I had continued to lose weight..
As many of you know, it started in January when I fell in Walmart's parking lot. I did not slip. After the first surgery in which the ball of my hip was replaced, I did not seem to gain even my somewhat subnormal energy back. When I visited my brother and his wife in March, I would fall asleep even in public places - once at a soccer game and once during a pastor's prayer:) - not Tom's.
Anyway, one night near Memorial Day, I suddenly told Tom I needed a half of pain pill and didn't think I had the energy to walk from the car to the theater where we planned to meet for a movie after a meeting he had that night. I called my surgeon at his home, which I have never done, and he directed me to the ER. They sent me home with a cane but could find nothing wrong.
After several more weeks of consultation with my surgeon and rheumatologist, and fairly intense pain and limited mobility, it was decided to try adding a socket to the hip, as possibly the ball hadn't accepted my natural one.
When they opened me on June 24th, they found a serious infection and removed the ball, replacing it with cement. I would need at least six weeks of antibiotics three times a day and then a third surgery.
On August 11th, I had the third surgery. All year I had to sleep on my back. I needed help in the nursing home getting in and out of the bed though could take care of myself besides that. I had great support of family and friends. I lost weight without trying (though have gained that weight all back:)).
I sang a song that Summer that we sang again yesterday: "Blessed be the Name of the Lord". A few of the phrases in it include: "Blessed be Your Name when the sun is shining down on me and the world's all as it should be..on the road marked with suffering, when there is pain in the offering..Every blessing You pour out, I'll turn back to praise". Some emotional pain I have experienced has seemed as rough as this was, but each time He has brought me through. I don't always feel as close to Him as I would like to or feel I should, but I do choose to Bless His Name!

Proving That I Am Not a Wimp

A few years ago, I got a brochure in the mail about an Alliance Women Mission vision trip going to China and Mongolia. I was active in our local group and thought "I think I could do that" so I was immediately interested. When our daughter Katie heard about it, she didn't think it likely because she knew (somewhat truthfully) that "I was too much of a wimp" to handle it. I had gone to Mexico with a youth group and barely survived the heat, grumbling often to myself (and out loud at times too:), though I did enjoy the people I went with and the wonderful people we met there. Now, I was doubly motivated.
The first step was the preparation - taking only 44 pounds in my suitcase. I barely made it. I also tried unsuccessfully to take along an adaptor plug for my hair dryer and curling iron (which melted my first day there) and an international phone card, which only worked once. So much for trying.
Bev Lynch, a friend from church, gave me her frequent flyer miles to get to California. Church friends helped me in various ways too. From California, we flew over 14 hours to Hong Kong. It felt like eternity but we made it. We also started to bond as a small group of about 20 ladies.
Yes, I walked on the Great Wall of China. Amazing. I knew little about it before I went. We saw a few other sights too. The main part though was meeting some orphans out in the boondocks of China and a youth group in Mongolia. I also got to visit a home/yurt, which is a tent shaped uniquely sort of like an igloo, and also used in this case, as a place of worship. I would love to have taken a twelve year old girl home, who kept putting eye like food on my plate as we ate with the orphans buffet style. In the youth group, we heard of a young man who had sold his guitar to get his brother out of prison. He also was a translator for the missionaries. When asked what pay he wanted, he said that he wanted to look more and more like His true heavenly Father. Some of us chipped in, without him asking, to get a replacement for his guitar. In the yurt, around a rusty wood stove on a very cold day, people in the church got up one after another praising God for the most minute things. I asked the missionary if they were trying to impress us. He said they did this every week.
It really was a trip of a lifetime. I am the only person in the group who made it through the whole trip never using their form of a bathroom (squatty potties). On the way back, it only took 11 plus hours to fly from Hong Kong to California. Anyone who has been away from America knows the gratitude you feel being back on native soil. I made some new friends and proved that I am not quite as much of a wimp as some, including myself, may have previously thought.

A College Student in Distress

We have been visiting parks here and in Minnesota. I noticed a sign for Red Wing, Minnesota and it reminded me of a little adventure many years ago.
I was traveling from Stillwater, Minnesota, where I was doing my intern teaching - so you know it was a very long time ago:) - to Eau Claire, Wisconsin, where I went to college, for an important church meeting. I had heard that I was going to be nominated for a leadership position which I did not feel I should do.
A little red oil light went on. Thinking I could wait a few more exits for the very cheapest gas possible, and most likely cutting it close to get to the meeting on time,I ignored the light.
The light did not ignore me. Somewhere in the middle of nowhere, the engine blew! I had saved a few cents a gallon, but wrecked my car. No cell phones at the time. I didn't have the option to call home and ask for help even if I had had a phone nearby.
A man stopped on the deserted road. Don't ask me why I trusted him. I actually have trusted men several times to help me when I have broken down. Thankfully, they have each turned out to be honest. Anyway, this kind man took me to (I think it was) Red Wing, Minnesota. I had missed the bus back to Minnesota for the night, but was able to stay at the hotel where it picked up passengers. The cost was $4 a night. It had a sink in the room and rest room down the hall. At least it was safe and clean.
I got back to Stillwater. The man who helped me found an engine for me at a junkyard and it got installed for $100, which I sent him. He really went the extra mile for me.
A few months later, I was at a restaurant. A man came up to me to greet me. I didn't recognize him at the time -I had mainly seen him in the dark - but he was the man who had helped me - a college student in real distress.